Little things that are big things

Last weekend I wrote about not wanting to go to church. Well, I did anyway, because it's not about me... I'm a mom with kids who need it and love it... so I have to hitch up my big-girl-panties and deal.

Church services at the New Place are actually a respite. I don't feel pressured or "on display" or even obligated. I didn't lead worship. Didn't want to. I just enjoyed it quietly.

After we wrapped it all up, I was gathering up the Offspring when a kind-faced lady sidled up to me and handed me something. "This is a Wal-Mart gift card. There's $150 on it, for you to go get your kids' school supplies."

I wanted to melt into a puddle of butter.

God is so good. And He doesn't seem to mind when I'm tired and cranky; He keeps loving on me through it.

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Rick brought home some seedless green grapes from the grocery store yesterday. I hadn't really even taken them out of the sack; we'd just stuck them into the fridge as soon as he got home with them. I pulled them out tonight for a snack and HO. LY. COW. these grapes are the giant economy sized softball grapes... more like grapeFRUIT in size, maybe. Okay, I'm exaggerating. But they ARE enormous.

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Pop came home from the hospital tonight. A few days ago, I hadn't been entirely certain that he would. I really want him to get better; it seems brutally unfair that he's worked so hard all his life, that he's so young, and that he doesn't even get to enjoy it. I know, I know... lots of people don't get to have even the enjoyment that he's had... but I can be petulant from time to time, no? I want him to feel really good again. Mom got her second chance seven years ago. I'm hoping Pop gets his now.

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Tomorrow is Saturday. I am tentatively planning to do something unusual... I'm going to go to a Saturday vigil at the St. Maximus the Confessor Orthodox Church. Not because I particularly want to become a member of the Russian Orthodox Church, per se. No, it's just because I want to connect with God in a different way. It was suggested to me by a longtime friend, and I think it's a good idea. Or it could be just awful; I may accidentally desecrate something and get struck by lightning. Either way, it will be a change of pace.

A good shellacking

It's been about three years since I've had a professional manicure, but last week I had some time to kill while I was in Fort Worth for an education workshop, and my fingernails were actually sorta grown-out and healthy, and I'm in-between piano gigs, so what the heck... I had heard that the new manicure rage is "shellac", and that it's super-durable, so I thought I'd try it.

I don't want long, fake fingernails, not now and not ever. It's just not ME. And they get in my way; everything I do that I'm good at, I do with my fingers and hands, so I have to be able to use them. Anyway, it's been a few days, and I have to say -- this stuff is AMAZING. Not a chip, not a scratch... they look exactly the same today that they did when the tech finished with them.

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I've been driving back and forth to downtown Dallas every day now for about four days in a row to check on my Pop. Mom's with him down at Baylor, of course, but things are pretty delicate right now with his health. His cancer is in remission, but the ensuing graft-vs-host issues and childhood infections like chickenpox all over again have just taken a very heavy toll on him.

It's not about me, obviously, but this is MY blog, so yes, this WILL be about me. I have to have somewhere to decompress.

I am busy. And tired. I'm not sleeping well anyway, because I'm worried about my dad.

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In times of family stress, the cracks tend to show more readily. Old wounds, imagined slights writ large, visit us like nighttime hallucinations, and no-one can make us believe they aren't real. If only there were a way I could gently wipe the filmy residue away from the hearts of the ones I love most, so they could leave behind the fear and isolation that is SO. UNNECESSARY.

But I can't change any of it. I just have to navigate it. And try not to let any of it stick to me.

=======================

I'm going to go over to my mom's to sleep tonight. She normally comes home from the hospital at night after Pop goes to sleep, but he had a really awful night last night, so she wants to stay with him this time. They have a little dog at home, though, so Alice and I are going to go take care of Coco.

Tomorrow, assuming all is well with Pop, I'm going to meet my best friend from college, Emily, at Grapevine Mills Mall for a couple of hours.

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I think that, sometimes, the gifts that God gives us are the actual struggles and hard things... because without having been through the struggles and hard things, how can I be of any help at all to others enduring the struggles and hard things?

Random Facts About Me

This came from Facebook, but I thought I'd re-post it here. No particular reason, I guess.


01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
I guess so... nineteen years of marriage... does that count? [eye roll]

02) What was your dream growing up?
To be a jockey in the Kentucky Derby

03) What talent do you wish you had?
Playing the guitar well.

04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
Hmmm... probably a raspberry Mojito

05) Favorite vegetable?
Wakame seaweed

06) What was the last book you read?
Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control (dealing with children with severe behaviors)

07) What zodiac sign are you?
Scorpio (not that I care or that it matters to me at all)

08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
Tattoo around my left ankle that reads "Love the Lord your God with all your heart"
Two earlobe piercings on either side
Tragus pierced on my right ear
Rook pierced on my left ear

09) Worst Habit?
Laziness

10) If you saw a stranger walking down the street would you offer him/her a ride?
It wouldn't be a good idea, so no.

11) What is your favorite sport?
College Football

12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
Generally optimistic

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
If I were alone, I'd probably just sit down and start texting on my celly. If I were with someone, I guess I'd tell jokes until we got rescued. I love to laugh.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Being accused of something I didn't do, and losing a lot of friends (or people I had thought were friends) because of it. There are still people who think I am guilty of what I was accused of, and it still grieves me sometimes, but I shook the dust off my feet and moved on.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
I have no bellybutton. That's pretty much the weirdest thing about me.

16) Do you have any pets?
A charcoal-grey teacup poodle-girl named Bijou, and a lazy kitty-boy named Dude

17) What would you do if a friend showed up at your house unexpectedly?
I'd start cooking! I love to cook.

18) Are your first impressions of people usually accurate?
I'd say so, yes.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
I have actually been to Clown School and learned about the craft, but I'm not fond of clowns because of too many serial killer movies and stuff. I did learn how to make balloon animals, so it wasn't a total loss.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
I'd make my head a little smaller. I have a huge head. Or maybe I'd refine my nose a little -- it's kinda blobby. Meh... I don't spend much time thinking about either thing, really. I pretty much just accept that I look the way I look, yanno?

21) Are you more of a bad influence or a good influence on people?
I try to cheer people up and make them feel good, but sometimes I probably encourage naughtiness too.

22) What color eyes do you have?
Brown. Medium golden brown. Not super-dark, not light, and not mixed with green or blue at all either. Just brown.

23) Ever been arrested?
Ugh, no. And the only way it would ever happen would be if they made chocolate illegal.

24) Bottle or can soda?
I don't drink soda, generally, because it has corn syrup in it and I'm allergic to corn products. The sodas that are made with cane sugar usually come in glass bottles. I don't really drink them very often, either, because I try to avoid consuming that much sugar all at once. It's just not healthy for me.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
Level my house. [sigh] I'd *like* to get myself a camera, but practicality would win out.

27) What's your favorite place to hang out?
Anywhere with my BFF Cindy.

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
Not in the way they're usually understood. I do believe that there are unseen things going on that we have no concept of, but I'm not going to claim to know definitively how that works or what they're like.

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Blog... sleep... paint... play the piano

30) Do you swear too much?
Yes, I probably do.

31) Do you have a pet peeve?
Liars.

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Scattered

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
Sure. There's not enough of it in my world.

34) Favorite and least favorite food?
Favorite - Japanese
Least favorite - Italian

35) Plans for this evening?
Load the dishwasher... watch a DVRd episode of Iron Chef, maybe... clean the kitchen... take a shower... yeah, I'm super-interesting and I lead a fascinating life. [eye roll #2] Hey, give me a break. I spent most of the day trying to deal with a mentally-ill teenager. I need some boring down-time.

Yet another reason to be crabby

I'm hugely irritated with my LaCie brand 1Tb external hard drive. I've had it about a year and it has had trouble making connection with the cords. Today it completely quit connecting. I know all the information (my iTunes music, all my photos) is all still there. It's just not accessing it.

I ordered a new external hard drive (a Seagate FreeAgent 1.5 Tb ordered from Amazon) even though we really don't have the $$ for it. I absolutely have to have the external memory.

In the meantime, I'm trying desperately to resurrect the LaCie, even if only for just enough time to shift everything in it to the new drive. I don't care anymore about that little sticker blaring a warning about "voiding the warranty" by opening up the box. It's durn near impossible to open this drive, with no visible means of entry. So I'm trying to pry it open.

I am NOT happy about having to do this, but I don't think I have a choice. There's just too much valuable stuff on it.

On a positive note, however, I was contacted this evening by the nearby community college; there is a distinct possibility that they'll need someone to teach the College Prep English class during the June session. This could be an answer to prayer financially; it isn't a LOT of money, but it definitely helps. And the class is in the mornings, so I don't have to worry about leaving the kids alone.

Alice tripped and fell this evening while coming up the front porch steps. For a little while I thought she might've broken one or more fingers on her left hand, but everything seemed better after a while. It's not an unheard-of thing; she can't really catch herself well with her left hand, so if she falls that direction, the chance of injury is much greater.

She and Isaac have joined their older sister in avoiding proper showering. I've had to take steps to make sure they're keeping themselves clean, like smelling their hair after they get out of the shower (a dead giveaway; wet dirty hair smells very different than wet clean hair!) and checking the levels on the shampoo bottle. I hate being a policeman but I don't think I have much of a choice. They've GOT to be clean. At least these two can be reasoned with and can be convinced to obey. The elder one isn't going to keep herself clean if she doesn't want to, nevermind what I want or don't want.

It's nearly ten o'clock now and it's time for me to hit the hay. Tomorrow I'm leaving during my conference period to play for a funeral at church. It isn't a happy occasion, but I will confess that I'm glad to be available to do it. It just means that the more I get to do this sort of thing, the more a fixture we become in this community. I like Ballyhoo very much and I believe that it's the best place to raise the kids right now. Tiny communities tend to be rather close-knit and cliquish, but if you find a need that must be met and meet it, you're in the clique.

I got my official copy of my contract for next year. I'm thinking of framing it. Not really, of course... it probably sounds retarded to even say it. But it will mean that they are hiring me on for a third year. The third year is the charm for being less and less likely to be gotten rid of in a Texas school. After three years, they can't just automatically fire you for no reason. If you misbehave, they can obviously get rid of you immediately, but if they just dislike you or want to hire someone else, after you've been there for three years they have to have specific reasons for dismissing you.

I don't intend to misbehave, and I *do* intend to stick around. It isn't the best pay in the world, but it IS the best PLACE in the world to be for me right now.

Good night, y'all. Let's hope the fire ants don't carry us off during the night. They're getting pretty thick.

Looking back...

One year ago today I was marveling over baby birds and irises. I haven't changed much in a year, have I?

Two years ago today I noted that skwerls have plague. Again, I haven't come far in two years. [sigh] I also was quite excited about my acceptance into the Belfer Conference at the US Holocaust Museum in Washington DC. That experience turned out to be life-changing.

Sunday evening ponderings...

I hope all my indulgent pictures of yard flora aren't causing too much honk-shoo yawning and snoring. I just can't get enough of this CAMERA! Aunty Ada, I'd be more than delighted to get togedder witcha and show you how I perform my camera voodoo. Hint: Good Software Covers A Multitude Of Sins. A good lens is even better. I'm using a Nikkor 18-200mm.

I am beginning to feel better! Really! This is the first evening I haven't felt trembly and fevery in at least a couple of weeks. I guess Levaquin really is the good stuff, eh? Remembering how I felt back a few years ago when I had pneumonia, I'd be willing to lay odds that's what I had succumbed to this time around too. No official diagnosis, but the pieces fit the pattern. I remember that day back in Iowa, the day that I had to sing and play the piano at Bernice Blake's funeral (for those of you who remember her -- I always will!)... I could barely sing, but I managed to make it through despite it being the most emotionally gut-wrenching funeral I have EVER been to in my LIFE, and despite feeling like roadkill... and we all piled into someone's vehicle afterwards and they all took me straight to the emergency room at Iowa Methodist Medical Center. Diagnosis: pneumonia.

And now for something completely different.

We had a family meeting tonight... we've had to have several of those in the past few weeks, but I suppose they're beneficial. Anyway, we're doling out jobs that these layabout kids don't seem to have a clue about but that they are about to start doing. Daily. Without complaining.

Stop laughing. We really mean it. [stern facial expression]

How is it that children can suddenly become so (1)pathetic and/or (2)smartassy when asked to complete a task? And how is it that I don't just haul off and smack them? These are the questions I ponder on Sunday evenings...

Saturday bidness

I am under the gun to finish the yearbook cover design PRONTO... so I have to spend this afternoon at school working on it. I missed two days this week because of the bad weather, which threw off my whole schedule.

And to add to my angst, the camera ... THE CAMERA ... the REAL NIKON D80 WITH THE NIKKOR 18-200MM LENS... finally arrived at school this week. I had gotten approval to purchase a DSLR camera back in October, but there were issues with the purchase order and the place to order it from, yaddayadda, and we didn't get to place the order until last week.

Which means, this delicious, fantastic beast of a CAMERA is sitting there and there's SUNSHINE outside and I should be taking pictures with it. I've spent as much time as I could allow myself just dinking around with it, learning to use it. But the temptation is terrible! And I absolutely MUST finish that cover TODAY.

The agony!

On the headache front, I am still dealing with it. It really has to be hormonal; I can't imagine why it wouldn't go away when I take medicine for it otherwise.

What a day it is outside! GAH!

YYYEEEAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!

That yell was for the US men's 4x100 freestyle relay team... who SMASHED the French favorites and DEMOLISHED the world record.

Best Olympic moment to date.




Photo above is of Alain Bernard, smack-talking Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey Frenchie, when he discovered he'd been PWNED by USA. I found it over at LA Snark.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

No Schadenfreude here, no way. [snicker]

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Our internet is REALLY spotty. I can't use the wi-fi at all, and the hard connection is twitchy at best.

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How am I feeling? Pretty decent, mostly. I went the entire day today without pain medication. It kind-of still burns a bit, though. And how's this to top it off -- I have a dull throbbing toothache way back in the lower right side of my mouth. I do NOT want to go to the dentist. Yuggh. I first noticed it right after surgery and I figured it was just soreness and scraping from the anesthesia apparatuses. But if it's still around now, it must not just be that. Dangit.

I'm still not really able to sleep on my side, which means it takes me six forevers to fall asleep at night. I lie there on my back, feeling wide awake, even though just five minutes ago I was yawning nonstop in the living room... and I lie there, hearing earworm after earworm run roughshod over my imagination. First it's every one of Bach's Inventions (which aren't exactly soothing in their mathematical precision), then it switches to some obscure song from an animated musical I saw when I was a little kid which keeps re-upping itself. Isn't there something that can pinpoint the precise location where the soundtrack to the original Charlotte's Web movie is stored, so I can have it lasered out of my longterm memory? It's driving me nuts. Debbie Reynolds and Agnes Moorehead did a terrific job and all, but it's time to put it to rest, people.

Okay, I'm going to give the sleeping thing another go. Wish me luck.

News roundup

Just stuff I thought was interesting:


Idiot Parent of the Year

From the day they were weaned, Bertie and Lizzie had never eaten meat, fish or dairy foods - except a slice of raw goat's cheese once a month.

'I'd heard about the raw food diet through a friend and thought it sounded like a really healthy thing to do,' says Holly, 45.

But then I started noticing that something wasn't right. The children were wearing clothes two sizes smaller than they should have been.

Money, money, money, money... MONET

Claude Monet's painting "Le Bassin aux Nympheas" sold for 40.9 million pounds (51.7 million euros, 80.5 million dollars) at an auction in London on Tuesday, smashing the previous record auction price for the artist's work.

Even the cops are trying to get out

Dozens of law enforcement agents and business owners from across the border in Ciudad Juárez are seeking political asylum here, or moving to other Texas cities, including Dallas, a situation that underscores the escalating drug war and its widening impact on families, government officials and humanitarian groups say.

What Would Chicks Drive?

Because it's been the No. 1 woman-dominated vehicle for years, the automotive press has long maligned the VW Beetle for being the quintessential "chick car." To be fair, the flower vase on the dash does give this impression. But since its arrival in May, the VW Tiguan has taken over the No. 1 position, making it the ultimate in estrogen-based car buying.

They have lawns at the North Pole?

Alaska State Troopers used lights and sirens to apprehend a North Pole man suspected of driving under the influence after he allegedly led them on a slow-speed chase that covered several lawns.

The 20-year-old man was on a riding mower. Sunday's pursuit lasted about 200 feet and reached speeds of up to 5 mph before a trooper got out of a cruiser and told the man to stop.

Finding fun at home

Since we can't afford to actually GO anywhere anymore, thanks to the price of gasoline, we're going to have to find things to enjoy about being right here. The following photographs were ones I could take right from my front porch this afternoon.


This is a crinum lily that's just starting to open up.



Mommy House Finch really really really wanted to sit on her eggs, but I kept sitting there on the porch, so she just couldn't bring herself to settle down.



This teeny-tiny wasp came and sat on the porch railing. I have no idea what species of Hymenoptera it is, but it was very "flick-y" and quite small. Not as small as a Trichogramma, I don't think, but smaller than the paper wasps I had to blast with pesticide this afternoon.

Linky roundup

Stuff I thought was interesting today:

Hello Kitty goes traditional for Japan's youth

Twirling and sliding in a bright red and black kimono, the cat that epitomizes cuteness for legions of fans the world over performed traditional steps normally reserved for geishas and kabuki actors to a rapt audience of mainly preschoolers.

Memoirs Of A Kawaii Kitty?



Lock of Che Guevara's hair to be auctioned

Gustavo Villoldo, 71, was involved in Guevara's capture in the jungles of Bolivia, according to unclassified U.S. records and other documents. He plans to auction the hair and other items kept in a scrapbook since the joint CIA-Bolivian army mission 40 years ago.

Disgusting. Auctioning off a mass-murderer's HAIR. What will we see next, Christie's having an auction for Hitler's fingernail trimmings? Gacy's lucky shirt?




Study Finds Surge in Bipolar Diagnoses

His mother, Susan Montanile, said Charlie was a precocious, disobedient and moody 3-year-old. He later had vivid, violent nightmares and violent outbursts in school.

"He would cycle even within 10 minutes, from hysterical giddiness and laughter watching TV" to screaming when she called him for dinner.

It was "like walking on eggshells," she said. "You never really knew within a given hour what was going to happen."

Psychiatric medicine has helped, but has also caused weight gain, drowsiness and other side effects.

Montanile worries that the new study might embolden skeptics who blame "bad parenting" and think afflicted children are simply misdiagnosed brats.

A generation ago, bipolar kids were likely mislabeled as simply truants or troublemakers, said Christine Walker, of Winnetka, Ill., whose 7-year-old son, Schuyler, was diagnosed a few years ago.

"This has always existed," Walker said. "It just didn't have a name, it didn't have a face."

Welcome to my life for the past thirteen years. I don't care how much Bipolar Disorder is being diagnosed or how much anti-psychotic medication is being prescribed for it.

For all we know, kids and grownups have suffered from this for hundreds of years or more, and have lived with it untreated. Maybe children who suffered like this used to be beaten or institutionalized (or both). I can completely understand why.

If there's anyone who thinks my daughter was misdiagnosed, I wish there was a hidden camera in this house RIGHT NOW so you could see for yourself. We're in the process of trying to find a shrink specializing in adolescent medicine that takes our insurance, because her medication (which worked brilliantly for the past two years) either needs to be increased or changed.



A brief moment of schadenfreude... heh...

Who's an idiot now?

I really should feel sorry for the guy; it's rather unChristian of me to snicker when someone's hurt that badly. I apologize.





Fried cookie dough named Best State Fair Food

It was the third year in a row Gonzales has been honored. Last year, his fried Coke earned him an appearance on national television and was mimicked by fry cooks at other state fairs.

That's one thing I will NOT be consuming at this year's State Fair of Texas. In fact, unless they sell Tomato Soup On A Stick, I'm probably out of luck.

An original thought?

Nope, not yet. I still have hope, though.

In the meantime, some thoughts that are unlikely to be original but which I can gladly declare to be unrelated to skrool:

I'm no fan of Michael Vick's, but I'm just bracing myself for the outcry from PETA over this photo.



Most of the time I really, really hate politics. Then when politics results in something like this, I want to round them all up and let them all see what it's like to starve for a while:

As a horse-crazy girl of 40 years, I want whoever's responsible for starving these magnificent animals to swing from a rope.





Did y'all see the lunar eclipse this morning? I did! I guess it's a benefit of having to get up early and go to work while the moon's still up. It was definitely K-E-W-L looking.

If I had a digital SLR, I'd've been able to get some wicked kewl photos of the event.



Ever wondered what a panic attack really is? I used to, until three o'clock this morning. I used to think they were psychosomatic. Well, I was wrong. And according to that Wikipedia article, SSRIs can have that effect when you're weaning on or off them, which I'm currently doing (on, not off). I hope I never EVER have another one.





I'm willing to bet that little Sean Albanese will NOT be pleased in a few years when his buddies at school Google his name on their iPhones and this picture and this article pop up. His fifteen minutes of fame were a ripoff, in my estimation.

And that's all for tonight. I'm going to bed early and I'm hoping to sleep all the way through the night tonight.

Thursday stuff

Today I met with a couple of reps from Jostens concerning this next year's high school yearbook, which I am co-overseeing. They chatted with me about the process and gave me some very helpful resources to begin reading over, since I'm a total n00b regarding yearbook stuff. I didn't even take yearbook class in school; I was too busy in band and physics and organic chem and Spanish IV and such things, I think. Anyhoo, even though I'm inexperienced, I think I might actually sort-of LIKE doing a yearbook. I hope my tendency toward disorganization doesn't hold me back, though. Although I'm generally not disorganized when it comes to something I actually like.

Isaac is up and around as if nothing at all had happened to him. His voice sounds a tad softer and higher-pitched, but it's almost imperceptible. Other than that, he even decided he didn't need the pain med (Vicodin -- God love that doctor!) this afternoon.

And this afternoon we also talked to a lender about qualifying for an actual *mortgage* (gasp!) even on our currently meager income, and she told us that we actually could be pre-approved for a certain sum. Delighted, we began hunting around on Realtor.com and found a little brick home in need of much TLC but well within the location we were hoping for. It does need quite a bit of interior work, but the asking is so low that it could be possible to get a loan for a few $$ over and use the extra to fix it up a bit. All this is still speculation, however; we've only peeked into the windows (it's totally empty) at this point. But it's more hope than I've had in some time.

Sign here...

I officially signed the papers today -- I am gainfully employed for next year. Whee! I had hoped to meet with the principal as well, but he was in a meeting (oooh, big surprise -- probably the number-one reason I will NEVER get my administration certification). I shall try again tomorrow.

Miss Alice got her long, glossy tresses shorn today:



When she goes to camp in a few days, she will have to be able to comb her own hair and take a shower without help -- neither of which she could do with all that long hair. Tammy the hairdresser put a rubber band on it and cut it off in one big hunk so that we could donate it. I don't know if it's *quite* long enough to donate to Locks of Love, but we're going to look into the option.

We have certainly been experiencing odd, cool, wet weather this spring. The sky in Texas just doesn't usually look like this at the end of May:


There's a building in nearby Whitesboro that has a little faded "Autoplex" sign, and this one, lonely old car with a "For Sale" sign in the windshield:


Mom and I are busy getting everything ready for our Big Road Trip which begins this Saturday morning. Today we had my MomVan serviced, and tomorrow I'm going to go have it detailed on the inside.

Some pesky health issues won't go away for me, either -- leading me to pursue making an appointment with a bariatric surgeon to try to root out the cause of my abdominal discomfort. I underwent a form of bariatric surgery called an "SRVG" ten years ago this December, and now am having some pretty significant discomfort and swelling in my upper abdomen that I didn't have before.

I've had my guts cut into three separate times now: my SRVG in 1997, my C-section in 1999, and my panniculectomy in 2003. The C-section was the least troublesome and painful of all of them. After the panniculectomy & breast reduction in 2003, I was so uncomfortable and miserable that I swore I would NEVER let some yahoo slice me open again, EVER. It's just the worst. I fainted five times during the first two days of recovering from that. And I was left looking like Frankenstein's retarded half-sister.

When I was in labor with my son back in 1999, I went for 22 hours of hard contractions without dilating past 4cm, and his numbers were dipping. I opted for a C-section, but began to sob aloud as soon as I said it, because I had remembered how horrible the original SRVG surgery had been for me. I had literally wanted to DIE in my hospital room, I was so miserable and uncomfortable. Thankfully, the C-section didn't afford me ANY of that discomfort. Nonetheless, this is not something I take lightly.

Anyhow, the notion of yet another surgery looms as a possibility now. I'm sorely tempted to suggest that, when they go in there again, they upgrade the old SRVG procedure into a more contemporary bariatric procedure with more chance of helping me achieve a normal weight. I mean, heck -- if I'm going to have to suffer, might as well make it count. Fix whatever has gone wrong, then do some long-term improvements with a realistic chance of doing me some good.

Or just kill me now and get it overwith. There isn't much like the agony and utter irritability of surgery recovery. I'm not sure there's anything I despise more.

Well, okay, the multiple-times-daily vomiting is rapidly working its way up the list.

That was more than any of you wanted to know, wasn't it? Sorry.

Oh, me weary bones!

I have just spent all day in my classroom, packing up the stuff I want to keep, throwing away the stuff I don't. It's still a mess, but at least I know it's all trash or stuff I am not taking with me. I think I will enlist the children to come with me tomorrow morning to get my last sign-off sheet turned in and get all the bits and pieces of trash finally done away with. I hate to leave it as messy as it is right now.

And, as usual after a day doing this sort of activity, I am stiff and sore and weary. Blech. I also had to do a mad, flapping dance when I uncovered an eight-legged creature who moved really really quickly. Bladder control isn't always so reliable in moments such as those.

I've also been in a particularly black, moldy mood. I'm usually a cheerful person and don't have the urge to snap at someone, but today I feel like telling someone where to go and how to get there. No headache, though -- there's one thing I can be excited about.

Tomorrow! Tomorrow!

Tomorrow's the last day for students. Of course, we teachers still have to slog around up there for a few more days, but it's pretty much OVER.

I began packing everything up and taking down all the wall stuff today. I intend to be DONE cleaning out that room as soon as possible so that I will have nothing to do for the days I am forced to sit up there. I'll bring my watercolors, if nothing else.

I haven't heard from the folks over at the new high school, which I will call BallyHoo. Until I officially sign paperwork, I'm not house-hunting. But I can be excited about it, can't I? I'm hoping to find something that has more than two bedrooms to divvy up between five people, AND it would be nice if it didn't have plush pink carpet with vile-looking stains in bizarre places. Or carpet in the kitchen. Who puts carpet in a KITCHEN? It's too gross to comprehend. [shudder]

When I'm finally and completely through with school, we're all packing up and heading to Yellowstone for a family road trip. Well, all but Rick, who isn't able to swing the time off right now. I am still praying that we get to caravan with our vehicles. Mom is just certain we need to rent a 12-passenger van (which I don't think is big enough, but what do I know?) and all go together. YECH! I love my family, but I need my space, people. Plus, if I don't drive, I get carsick. I don't think Pop is going to be too keen on relinquishing the steering wheel.

[praying fervently]

The new bifocals are in

Hair looks crappy, makeup's all but gone, but by golly I can READ STUFF without tromboning it in and out looking for the sweet spot.

And I got SUNGLASSES, too. Nevermind how stinkin' much these things cost... or the fact that we're going to have to shell out a thousand bucks in copays for Alice's hospital stay next week.

Next Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, Alice will be at Children's Hospital in Dallas for some extensive neurological testing so we can see just exactly what's going wrong. It's what we would've already had done in Minneapolis if we hadn't had to move last year.

The Monday after that, Rick and I both take the exam to try to get hired at Valero Oil in Ardmore, OK. They have eight "Yard Labor" positions open, and six hundred applicants. Yeah, our chances are pretty good! Thankfully it doesn't have the slightest bit to do with chance. If God wants either or both of us to work for Valero, he will most certainly see to it that it happens. All I need to do is to do the next thing, whatever that is.

And yes, I've also put in applications at school districts in the area.

We've finished up our Shakespeare units at school, and I'm starting them on the Greek stuff -- Homer, Sophocles, etc. Might as well end on a high note. SIX MORE WEEKS OF SCHOOL!!!

Should you be driving?

Take the GMAC Insurance 2006 National Driver's Test and find out for yourself.

I scored a 90%, if you're interested. The two that I missed were because I erred on the side of too much caution.

Stuff I saw today

Today was an exquisitely beautiful day... as I drove through southern Oklahoma on the way home from Ardmore, the smell of growing grass and blooming things was almost unbearably sweet. I stopped along the highway several times to capture some of what I saw. Here's a little bit of it:


The dogwoods were happy little trees today... I dodged a number of fire-ant mounds to get to this beauty this afternoon.

The full moon:



And the full moon as seen over Lake Texoma:

The sun was setting behind me as I snapped this one.

Rick is working his first night shift at Wal-Mart tonight, coming home in the morning and preaching a sermon, then sleeping through the afternoon. If the weather's as nice tomorrow as it was today, I saw several lovely spots where I'd like to photograph the kids. That should also give Rick some quiet hours to sleep before having to go back in to work again tomorrow night.

I went to a job fair sponsored by the Sherman school district this morning and chatted with several administrative types. I've also put in an application in a few other places as well, not all of them education-related. We shall see...

What a way to go

A weirdly fascinating list of weird deaths. For example, did you know that famous dancer Isadora Duncan was killed by her trademark scarf? It caught in the wheels of the car she got out of. There are a number of very odd ends listed... go check it out.