Do these nincompoops even READ the news?

Give up your iPod for Lent, bishops urge

"Instead of giving up chocolate for Lent, why not fast for justice ... to help those suffering from the effects of climate change," said Jones.

Ummm, I hate to burst your eco-bubble, but "climate change" is dubious at best, and man-made global warming is a colossal hoax. But then, so is your eco-feelgood religion.

Believe what you want, but at the very least, can you be informed? Clinging to this idiocy makes you no better than the Islamo-freaks who can't seem to emerge from the Middle Ages... but spouting it from a leadership position makes everything about you look ridiculous.

Stupidity Kills

Just not always fast enough, unfortunately.


NY Killer Tripped on Baggy Pants, Plunged to His Death

...his low-slung pants fell to his ankles, tripping him and sending him falling three stories to his death, authorities said.

A trend I really, really never understood. And I'm pretty hip to most trendy stuff that comes along -- even if I don't adopt it, I understand it. But the sagging thing I just never quite got. Thankfully it has mostly disappeared from MY high school, where the "gangsta" look came and went pretty fleetingly and where such things just aren't tolerated in the dress code anyway.

Absolute fail

Even I wouldn't do this:


see more Epic Fails

Certainly not for Bon Jovi tickets, that is. I'm racking my brain to think of a show that I actually would consider doing this for, and to be honest, I'm coming up empty.

If stupid were a religion, she'd be pope.

Cue the world's smallest violin

Nichols sues prison over food

According to the lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court in Denver, Nichols "is compelled to consume daily those unhealthy dead and refined foods that are abhorrent to plaintiff's sincerely held religious beliefs causing him physical, mental and spiritual torment, and to sin against God."

Suck it up, [expletive omitted]. You're really, really lucky you ain't already dead... and as for that, we could probably arrange it. Or you can bring it about yourself by refusing all that refined and unhealthy food.

[second expletive omitted]

Hair Is Not A Moral Issue

Pink locks get Michigan girl locked out of school

When the kids and I moved back to Texas in the summer of 2006 and I took a teaching position in a rural north Texas school district, I remember being completely dumbfounded to discover that the school actually required boys to CUT THEIR HAIR. Hunh?

Not only did they have to maintain their hair in a prescribed manner, the school restricted all students from using any artificial hair coloring that wasn't a "natural" color. Boys also could not wear braids or cornrows.

No male student could have a piercing of any kind. Girls could only have two piercings on each ear, no more.

WTF?

I had just taught in an urban school district where we were just glad the students showed up to school every day. Hair and piercings weren't high on our list of stuff to get worried about. Certain types of clothing, yes -- particularly those which were overly revealing or which declared allegiances to gangs -- but hair? And an earring? Puh-leeze.

When you grow up and get a job, you have to have your hair a certain way according to your boss' preference and your clientele. As a high school kid, though, why can't you have a little fun and experiment with hair color? Who cares if your hair is blue today? What does that do to detract from your educational experience? Sure, the first one who does it will be a distraction, but in a very short time no-one will notice or care.

And how the HECK does it change things for a boy to have long hair? That one is a major mystery to me.

I need to research and see what the dress codes for some of the larger districts around here are. This is the most ridiculous thing I've found about this place (which I love -- don't get me wrong -- this is the best place EVAR) and I hope that someday people can just learn to get over it.

Are you KIDDING me?

Dad told to pay for child's birth or wed mom

The Michigan Legislature amended the state's paternity act five years ago to waive birthing costs for a father, if he married the child's mother. A year later, Witt gave birth to JaeLyn. The state paid for the hospital costs because Witt was on Medicaid at the time and is now trying to recover the money.

...

Johnson and Witt said they want to marry eventually, but Witt said she wants her marriage date to be her choice.

"I don't think anybody should tell me when to get married," said Witt. "I would like to have a nice wedding, and I can wait for it."

Oh, well, golly gee whiz. We're not going to pay because we don't want to. Brilliant example of what happens when people don't have to suffer consequences of their actions, but instead are perpetually rescued by The State.

I want a new country.

Oh, for Pete's sake... really?

Touch-screen gadgets alienate blind

NEW YORK (Reuters) – The craze for touch-screen gadgets, sparked by Apple Inc's popular iPhone, is raising worries that a whole generation of consumer electronics will be out of the reach of the blind.

Motown icon Stevie Wonder and other advocates came to the world's biggest gadget fest, the annual Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas this week, to convince vendors to consider the needs of the blind.

Wonder told a CES event that his wishlist included a car he could drive -- which he acknowledged was probably "a ways away" -- and a Sirius XM satellite radio he could operate.

"If you can take those few steps further, you can give us the excitement, the pleasure and the freedom of being a part of it," said the famed musician.

Oh, and the money quote came almost at the end of the piece:

"I think in general there may be a view that accessibility may be becoming the new green," said [Mike] Starling [chief technology officer of National Public Radio].

Oh, criminy... must everything in this world be offensive to SOME minority group SOMEWHERE? Puh-leeze. So use a Blackberry instead of an iPhone, buddy-boy. Grow up and forget about all the stuff you don't get to participate in. I don't get to enjoy playing basketball, either. Should I pitch a fit because it isn't accessible to homely, freckly middle-aged girls with arthritic knees?

Massachusetts is backwards and messed up

Police arrest man for killing a skwerl and cooking it for dinner

LOWELL -- Police say a Lowell man is facing charges after admitting to police that he chased and caught a squirrel in the backyard of his Walker Street home, bashed it to death against a tree, and then began cooking it with a torch, police said.

Police were called to 416 Walker St., yesterday at 3:36 p.m., after someone called police and reported that a man was killing a squirrel with a blowtorch, police said.

Officers said they arrived and found Odum Chaloeurn, 48, who lives in the home, in his backyard, with a dead squirrel in a makeshift fireplace.

Chaloeurn told police the caller was wrong.

He said he had chased and caught the squirrel himself, then swung it by its tail, smashing it against a tree until it was dead, police said.

He then began cooking the squirrel with a blowtorch, because he planned to eat it, police said.

Chaloeurn was charged with animal cruelty, and was expected to be released on bail last night.

And they can't even leave a guy to eat a meal in peace. Puhleeze. Whadda buncha commies.

Phew

I got a replacement phone today. All is well -- except for my contacts, which were lost. I could've done the internet backup plan for my contact list, but I don't do any internet connection through my phone, so it wasn't possible. The last time I switched phones, they were able to take the memory out of the previous one and I never had to bother.

At any rate, if you were on my Contacts list, there's a very good chance I lost your number. Call or text me sometime so I can get it back.

IF you actually want me to have your number, that is. :)

Stupid, stupid, stupid!!

Last night I briefly wondered what I'd done with my phone, but I dismissed it thinking I'd already plugged it into the charger back in the bedroom.

Then I went to put the wash into the dryer.

And there was my poor little phone, sitting right on top of the wet clothes in the washer.

I killed the phone.

I left it in my shorts pocket when I put them into the dirty clothes.

We do have insurance, so I made the requisite phone calls and paid the $50 deductible. They're shipping me a new one, hopefully by tomorrow. Could be Monday before I get it.

I don't know why it bothers me so much; I get about two calls a week.

We don't have a landline, though, so it's technically my home phone.

Y'all pray it comes TOMORROW.

Gotta love that technologeeeeee

Woman calls police to free her from her car when her battery died

She didn't know how to manually unlock her door. When the cops got there, they tried to tell her how to do it, but she couldn't hear them. She waved her cell phone at them, so they called her and explained how to slide the lock mechanism WITH HER HAND.

In the same vein, my kids absolutely canNOT believe that I used to have to GET UP AND WALK TO THE TELEVISION TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL. I told them that was my job, that if Poppi told me to get up and change the station, I did it.

And we had four TV stations to choose from.

Ancient History 101, eh?

Reminds me of a Star Trek TNG episode where some culture on some planet had no idea how to repair some system on their planet that made it habitable because it had worked for so long that no-one had bothered to learn how it was made in the first place.

High school freshman girls are idiots

At least, it seems that the majority of this year's crop are.

Sexually-explicit notes being passed around... rumors and fights and threats... the hallway right outside my classroom door seems to be the main gathering place for this particular snitty crowd of girls displaying trailer-trash manners and the doofus boys who stand around watching it all go down.

This is BALLYHOO, for Pete's sake... the majority of the students here come from farming and ranching families who go to church on Sundays and Wednesdays... this new crowd has arrived to the dismay and bewilderment of us all. It's not that I don't know how to deal with kids behaving badly... it's just such a foreign thing here.

I took the group photograph of the FFA (Future Farmers of America) today for the yearbook. I'm pretty sure that about half the entire high school is in the FFA. This percentage is probably down quite a bit from past years. The yearbook photo is quite a wide-angle shot...

As for the yearbook, it's coming together well. [knock knock] My goal is to have it completely submitted as soon as graduation ceremonies are over; I don't want it hanging over my head if they schedule my surgery early in June. Technically it doesn't have to be all wrapped-up until mid-June, but I plan to get a jump on it. Maybe it'll mean that my books are done and back to me earlier than scheduled, but I won't be counting on it.

Putting the yearbook together has been an amazing, complicated, wonderful process. I have so many ideas for next year, I can't wait to get it started. I'm also excited to get my new yearbook staff put together and pointed in the right direction.

Memo

Do not get totally plastered in public anywhere near dubious friends with Sharpie markers.



Mugshot from The Smoking Gun.

I WANT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME TO GO AWAY

I'm willing to bet significant amounts of money (which I don't even have) that I'm not alone in this sentiment. In fact, I know this to be true -- even the guys over at National Review Online know it's bogus.

We're also informed that DST helps conserve energy, apparently because people arriving home when the sun is still up don't switch on their lights. Didn't it occur to anybody that maybe they compensate by switching them on earlier in the morning? Moreover, people who arrive home from work an hour earlier during the hot summer months are probably more prone to turning up their air conditioners. According to Downing, the petroleum industry once was "an ardent and generous supporter" of DST because it believed people would hop in their cars and drive for pleasure—and guzzle more gas. But the very worst thing about DST is that it's bad for your health. According to Stanley Coren, a sleep expert at the University of British Columbia, the number of traffic accidents and fatal industrial mishaps increase on the Monday after we spring forward. The reason, presumably, is because losing even a single hour of sleep over the weekend makes a lot of people a bit drowsier on what we might usefully call Black Monday. Unfortunately, there's no compensating effect of a super-safe Monday as we go off DST and "fall back" in the autumn.

Any suggestions on how we can get rid of DST forever? I really, really resent this nonsensical intrusion into my daily routine.

How'dja like to be this guy?

Meet Marvin Gonzales. Marvin and his pals stole a mini-van on Christmas Day. A MINI-VAN. On CHRISTMAS.

And while he and his pals were running from the cops after wrecking the mini-van, he had the brilliant idea to hide under someone's motor-home.

At which point he was fingered by a Chihuahua.

A THREE POUND CHIHUAHUA.

Named Tank.

This will end well

Six Flags wants to sell beer at its Arlington parks

"We will have very strict guidelines in place, along with extensive training and auditing procedures, to make sure the serving is controlled," he said.

Six Flags, the second-biggest U.S. theme park operator after Walt Disney Co., has lost money in the last four quarters and has seen its revenue decline as attendance falls and spending on new rides increases.

Attendance might be falling because the park is dirty, rides are out of order when you go, and -oh, there's the small issue of FORTY BUCKS PER TICKET. I can assure you that shelling out $200 for my family of five, combined with the prospect of standing in hour-long lines next to beer-guzzling mouth-breathers and their demon-spawn line-jumping brats, is more than enough to keep me away from Six Flags forever.

Seen on FARK

Gizmodo has put out its annual list of Top Ten Most Ridiculous Baby Products Currently On The Market. This year's winner?

The Zaky.




The website blurb:

With the Zakys you are involved in your child's care 24/7!
the need of bonding with you,
the loving touch of your hand,
the strength of feeling your protection,
the power of your scent,
your ability to soothe and comfort,
the peaceful sensation of your warmth,
the urgency to provide safety.
When you cannot be there, leave a pair of Zakys with your child!

Bizarre.

Yes, I remember being frustrated when putting down one of my babies and having them instantly wake up because I'm no longer touching them. But PLEASE! Fake hands? Eww!

Deathplace Memorials

While I understand the sentiment behind such things, I tend toward the notion that they do not belong on public highways because they are enough of a distraction to then CAUSE more accidents like the one that killed whoever is memorialized there.

And I've made my BFF Cindy swear to me, on everything that is holy, that if I die in a car wreck somewhere, she will make sure NO-ONE puts one of these cloying tributes anywhere in the vicinity.

But a lady in southern Oklahoma wants to make her little roadside distractions PERMANENT.

While Raines and others who've placed items in the right-of-way support the highway expansion, she just doesn't want anyone to forget the lives lost... "We have the things that mean a lot to our hearts and this is things like the cross behind me. My husband built that cross the day after the McDougall accident and he had no idea he would build so many."

Umm, Althea, honestly -- if we knew the person, we're not likely to FORGET them... the rest of us who DIDN'T know them just aren't interested. Cold, yes, but it's a fact. Write a book or make a memorial at their gravesite, but can we please not "honor" the very spot where someone breathed their last? It's grisly. I'm sure your husband's crosses were very nicely made. But they don't belong on the side of a major highway.

Just my opinion.

Che-worship making a grisly comeback

Che was only an icon for idiots

Wearing the Guevara icon on a T-shirt is as offensive as carrying the image of Osama bin Laden or Adolf Hitler. The next time you see some oaf doing it, bollock him.

The first time I see a Che t-shirt at this school, I will be hauling the wearer to the office. I'm sick to death of murderer-worship. It would be no different than if someone wore a Bundy or Gacy shirt. I guess you truly can buy ANYTHING on the internet.

UPDATE: In small-town schools like mine, the grownups DO get to decide things like what kids can and can't wear, even what kind of haircut. Boys aren't allowed to have earrings or piercings on at school, period. Kids get sent home if a ripped place in their jeans is above the knee. So yes, if I see a Holy Che shirt, you can believe me when I say that I absolutely will see to it that the shirt is removed, changed, or turned inside-out while the wearer is on school property.

Fun headline of the day

Police break up brawl at Chuck E. Cheese

The more than a dozen girls, between 13 and 16 years old, went berserk in the restaurant's lobby Saturday night, police said.

They'd been "dropped off," of course. Gotta think highly of parents who expect a robotic rodent to babysit their ill-mannered daughters... or who wouldn't stop to wonder why their SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD is wanting to be dropped off at fargin' Chuck E. Cheese. PuhLEEZE.