Just keepin' it real

I'll be honest. I've been struggling pretty hard the past few weeks. It's one reason why there have been so few posts here; I want to post stuff that people would want to read, and I just haven't felt inspired to write anything remotely cheerful.

The money thing is really, really getting me down. I just don't see a way out, to be frank.

Couple that with a difficult teenager battling mental illness, and we're pegging the red zone. There are just so many days in a row that I can listen to someone screaming that I'm a dumb@$$ motherf%cker because I won't take her to WalMart RIGHT NOW... before I just throw in the towel and say that I'm done. Forget that she refuses to shower or wear clean clothes. Or that she wakes up in the night and goes through everyone's stuff while they're sleeping and uses our cell phones to text boys she barely knows to arrange to meet her for sex. Yeah, she's fun to live with. If I could put her on a plane and send her to Russia, I'd probably do it tomorrow morning.

I don't really have any respite right now. There is not a single hour in my week that I get a break from her... or from worrying...

Six more weeks of school left, and then ten weeks of summer "vacation" in which I get even more "together time."

I really do feel for this adoptive mom who sent her kid back to Russia. Some idiot on TV a couple of mornings ago opined that this mom should've availed herself of the many resources out there to help people like this.

What resources?

You want to really make a difference? Start making people aware of these "resources." Because there are those of us out here who haven't found a whole lot of "resources" available to us. We MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY. Nevermind that our entire income is eaten up by medical bills (it's true -- you wanna see the spreadsheets? we've got those.) because we don't get any assistance from ANYONE... and nevermind that even with all that, we're still TAXED TO THE MAX and get nothing back. NOTHING.

Sure, there are lots of places that do residential treatment for kids with mental illnesses.

If you've got MONEY.

We don't. And ObamaCare isn't going to pay for it, either... don't start with me on THAT front. They're just going to take away the last dribble of income we have left and give us NOTHING in return. Forget the T.E.A. Party... I'm not "taxed enough already"... I'm "taxed too much already". TTMA.

Yeah, I'm pretty much mired in despair at the moment. Unless you've got a winning lottery ticket to give us, we're screwed.

I'm all cried out.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening to me rant. Don't feel like you have to leave any comforting words; it's not necessary. I know it's a drag to read this kind of thing and I apologize. I may change my mind and take this post down just because I don't like to harsh anyone's mellow.

Murderer Chic

Reason.com's Nick Gillespie nails it:

Exactly the same headache

I don't have the headache all day, but at about the same time every evening for the past three nights, I have a twingy headache right behind my right eye.

I refilled my Prozac prescription today and the pharmacist said that the doctor won't refill it again until I go in for a visit. This ticks me off royally because I was JUST IN THERE a month ago for a different issue. A Prozac refill shouldn't be a big deal, though. It's not as though I haven't been in to see her in a year or something.

That being said, though, if I'm going to HAVE to go in for yet another stupid doctor visit, I can mention the headache and see what she says. Probably nothing; I haven't been hugely impressed with this doctor. My former doctor was annoying enough, sure, but this one who came in as a replacement when that one left is not terribly scintillating either. I sometimes get the idea that I do more reading and research than some of these yay-hoos.

Meh. It's probably just this really really really really really really rotten mood I'm in... this Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very-Bad Mood.

Grrrrrrrrrowl. Snarl.

Extreme irritability

One of the things I think I remember about the first time I lost a lot of weight was that estrogen and other hormones are stored in fat and released when that fat is eventually metabolized... sometimes resulting in a cascade of emotion.

Two months ago today, I had surgery. I have lost a LOT of weight in that two months already. And up to now I haven't really noticed much emotional stuff. Until today, that is.

Today I could gnaw nails into finely-honed needles and spit them at light-speed.

This morning at the breakfast table I noticed my eldest daughter's neck and the obvious layer of grime lying there unscrubbed. We were about to leave, so I made her stay behind to wash, and let Rick bring her to school when she'd finished. She is FOURTEEN. When -- oh when -- will the urge to be clean and fresh-smelling kick in? We need this desperately.

A co-worker "did it unto me" today... and I wouldn't normally have noticed or cared, but I have experienced a tsunami of private anger all day. It's tempered with the knowledge and desire to reconcile (more sure evidence of my Savior's presence than of any better nature within myself), but it's white-hot anger nonetheless.

At Wal-Mart this afternoon, I had the distinct privilege of being right behind someone who had gotten a whole cartload of stuff and then discovered she had no way to pay for about nine-tenths of it, so she had to go back through each item individually and decide whether the clerk should void it or keep it in the tally.

More extreme irritability. I kept my eyes averted from her in hopes that I wouldn't go all X-Men Cyclops in her face. I was glad I hadn't bought anything sharp or pointy.

At home afterward, I had to convince my eldest daughter to put on clean underwear after she took a shower rather than re-donning the ones she'd had on all day.

Why should I have to convince her of this? Can someone please 'splain to me why it isn't obvious to a fourteen-year-old girl that she should wear clean clothes?

My molars are nearly nubs.

Book review... and philosophical rant

First on my summer reading list was Escape by Carolyn Jessop.

I started it yesterday. I finished it today. I found it to be riveting and horrifying, but I'm certainly glad I read it. It makes me pray even harder for the liberation of all those women and children who live brainwashed, cult-addled lives... and for the prosecution of the vile men who perpetuate the lie.

Read the book, I tell you!

Merril Jessop and his first six wives (Carolyn is on the far right)

I will confess to having some small misgivings when I first heard of the removal of the kids at the Yearning For Zion FLDS compound in Eldorado, Texas... what business is it of anyone else if these people want to live this way? They're not bothering anyone else and it's their right to practice their religion. Besides, women who AREN'T polygamists are making choices about their own bodies all the time. Surely the FLDS women can live like that if they want to.

Trouble is, they either don't want to, or they've been totally brainwashed into believing it's what they have to do to earn salvation. Or they're statutorially not able to make that decision.

The first thing I learned that began changing my mind was that the "wives" and their multitudinous children were all drawing welfare checks. How DARE those people make ME pay for their bizarre choices? Of course, that's my gripe about welfare in general...

But reading Jessop's book opened my eyes to the absolute violation of the human rights of these people. Yes, it's a narrow edge I'm perched on -- what if enough people in the US decide that me taking my kids to church every Sunday is a violation of their human rights? Or that feeding them Ramen noodles violates their human right to proper nourishment? It's a quandary that concerns me greatly.

However, I don't kick my children until their bones break, or deny them the proper healthcare they need... my kids don't even know what the word "apocalypse" means, much less center their playtimes around it.

The fictitious sixteen-year-old girl who filed the complaint that led to the CPS raid on the compound? I don't think she really was fictitious. I think she's probably dead and her body's been buried or dumped in some remote Arizona or Utah canyon somewhere. Any children she had already borne would either be absorbed into the rest of the family or similarly disposed of.

Sound extreme? Maybe so, but these men are SICK FREAKS and I don't think a single one of them would bat an eyelash at doing that.

Sheesh.

Sometimes I read stuff on my students' MySpace updates that just breaks my heart. Seen tonight:

my mom is drunk

and alternately screaming and crying and randomly calling people

its pretty annoying

and she's mad because my dad wont let her drive his car and my older sister wont bring her pot

anyways

i'm going to go back to watching Invader Zim now

Yes, I'm going to mention this to the powers-that-be.

I WANT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME TO GO AWAY

I'm willing to bet significant amounts of money (which I don't even have) that I'm not alone in this sentiment. In fact, I know this to be true -- even the guys over at National Review Online know it's bogus.

We're also informed that DST helps conserve energy, apparently because people arriving home when the sun is still up don't switch on their lights. Didn't it occur to anybody that maybe they compensate by switching them on earlier in the morning? Moreover, people who arrive home from work an hour earlier during the hot summer months are probably more prone to turning up their air conditioners. According to Downing, the petroleum industry once was "an ardent and generous supporter" of DST because it believed people would hop in their cars and drive for pleasure—and guzzle more gas. But the very worst thing about DST is that it's bad for your health. According to Stanley Coren, a sleep expert at the University of British Columbia, the number of traffic accidents and fatal industrial mishaps increase on the Monday after we spring forward. The reason, presumably, is because losing even a single hour of sleep over the weekend makes a lot of people a bit drowsier on what we might usefully call Black Monday. Unfortunately, there's no compensating effect of a super-safe Monday as we go off DST and "fall back" in the autumn.

Any suggestions on how we can get rid of DST forever? I really, really resent this nonsensical intrusion into my daily routine.

Che-worship making a grisly comeback

Che was only an icon for idiots

Wearing the Guevara icon on a T-shirt is as offensive as carrying the image of Osama bin Laden or Adolf Hitler. The next time you see some oaf doing it, bollock him.

The first time I see a Che t-shirt at this school, I will be hauling the wearer to the office. I'm sick to death of murderer-worship. It would be no different than if someone wore a Bundy or Gacy shirt. I guess you truly can buy ANYTHING on the internet.

UPDATE: In small-town schools like mine, the grownups DO get to decide things like what kids can and can't wear, even what kind of haircut. Boys aren't allowed to have earrings or piercings on at school, period. Kids get sent home if a ripped place in their jeans is above the knee. So yes, if I see a Holy Che shirt, you can believe me when I say that I absolutely will see to it that the shirt is removed, changed, or turned inside-out while the wearer is on school property.

Finally!!

I was just on the verge of emerging from the withdrawal symptoms and being internet-free... and then Google let me back into my account.

As an aside, if any of you (and if you've ever e-mailed me, you did) received a Quechup invite from me, it was sent out WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. Stay away from Quechup at all costs, folks. They are scum. If there were someone I could report them to, I would. And I apologize profusely and copiously for the unwanted e-mail from me. There were people on my address list that I really didn't ever want reading any mail from me ever again, and that probably looked weird getting a social-networking invite from me.

As soon as I realized Quechup had stolen my address book, I went in and changed my password to my Google account.

And then I completely, totally forgot it. Not even a remote clue. Still don't know.

What I didn't realize, though, is that if you forget your password in Google, you can get a notification e-mail sent to your alternate e-mail address.

However, I hadn't changed my alternate e-mail address since leaving Des Moines and our old ISP, so that address was defunct.

In that event, Google will give you your "security questions" (mom's maiden name, etc.) that you put in when you applied for the e-mail account. Yep, they'll give you the questions. But not for FIVE DAYS. I can see why, sort-of... but if they're security questions, why won't Google give them to you automatically?

Today was the first day I could access the security questions, which I promptly answered and then began the arduous task of digging through five days' worth of e-mails.

As a wrap-up, let me remind you: STAY AWAY FROM QUECHUP. They should be shut down for their unethical practices.

I'm just glad I took my blood-pressure meds this morning

Emperor Darth Misha just posted something that, were my blood pressure not artificially lowered, would send me sky-high.

All I can say is GET A ROPE. After a full and exhaustive investigation, of course. But this makes me really, really angry.

Greed never ends, does it?

First, they came for us at church and told us that we couldn't sing contemporary praise/worship music while projecting the words onto a screen unless we paid a yearly fee to CCLI. Most of us responsible worship leaders complied, not wanting to violate any copyright issues, particularly since it seemed to hinge on projecting or mass-distributing the words to the songs.

Being an artist, myself, I can sympathize with the idea of someone's intellectual property rights.

Now they're going after coffeehouses that have live music.

Six months after raising the curtain on their gourmet coffee shop in the beachside Indian Harbour Place shopping center, Laurie and Jim Hall decided to offer live music on Friday and Saturday nights.

The performers, normally duos, mainly covered songs written and made famous by other musicians. There was no cover charge, no pay for the musicians, no limit to how long patrons could sit on a couch with their coffee, playing chess and enjoying the music.

No problem.

Then a few months later, music industry giant ASCAP started calling and sending letters saying East Coast Coffee & Tea was in violation of copyright laws. The fee to continue the music was $400 a year.

"At the time, the shop was losing money, so we had to break it up into payments," said Laurie Hall. But the Halls paid, and the music continued.

Six months later, other music copyright companies began calling the Halls and demanding money. Most days there would be three or four phone calls from each company, Hall said. Finally, unable to afford the fees, she had to call most of her musicians -- those who did not play original music -- and tell them they would not be allowed to continue performing.

This aggressive -- but legal -- posture being taken by music licensing companies has the potential to unplug live music in many restaurants, bars and coffee shops in Brevard County.

This just disgusts me. Honestly.

If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention

Saw this over at Confederate Yankee today:



Israeli High School Struck By Palestinian Rockets

But of course, we don't hear anything about it on the Drive-By Media.

A HIGH SCHOOL. A school full of KIDS. And get this -- the kids were actually taking matriculation exams, so they were all within a FORTIFIED SECTION OF THE BUILDING.

High schools in Israel have to have fortifications, thanks to the Palestinian Child Abusers.


Sorry, it just makes me mad.

Tickle Me Ivory

Ban on ivory proposed in Africa

Hey, wait a minute... I thought the ivory trade was already illegal. Heck, if there's a market for a thing, there will be people who will take the risk to obtain it. What in the world gets made with real elephant ivory anymore? And who buys it? If the stuff's worth $850 per kilo, obviously somebody with some serious dough is willing to purchase it and own it, so I'm guessing it's not likely to be your average run-of-the-mill African.

Real ivory's certainly beautiful, but I wouldn't own it, even as an antique showpiece. The idea that an elephant had to die for it, well, that just makes it not worth the beauty.

I'd like to know who's paying that $850 per kilo and why...

Oh, great... just add to my already enormous pile of things to worry about

FBI: Extremists seek employment as school bus drivers

The article even goes so far as to say that the FBI is assuring parents that we have nothing to worry about.

Right.

Tell me that this story doesn't immediately bring to mind images such as this one:


This photo is from June 1, 2005, and was posted on Snapshots: A Camera Blog. It's an Israeli bus after it was blown up by a suicide bomber.

That bus was full of people.

This is what they want to do to US. And you're telling me I have nothing to worry about? Tell me, Mister Eff Bee Eye Man, are you putting YOUR kindergartners on public school buses?

Yet another reason I hate government

("Angry Cat" by Pinguino)

A couple of weeks ago I got a speeding ticket in Oklahoma. [growl] It was a trap, of course, but they nabbed me fair and square and I didn't have much recourse. The officer probably didn't like my Texas plates, so he handed me my hiney on a platter and my ticket was going to cost $203 (I was going 80 in a 65 zone). Of course, nowadays they're up-to-date in Okra-Homa, and they have all the fines listed carefully on a tidy manila envelope in which you can put your cashier's check or money order. The officer handed me said envelope and I went along my merry way.

We sent the check in promptly, because we're decent law-abiding citizens who don't like to raise a fuss.

Today I received a notice in the mail from the Court Clerk's office in Marshall County, Oklahoma, saying I still owe them $11. Want to know why? Here's her nice little note:

The prices on the gold envelope that the officer gave you were incorrect. The prices increased on 11-1-06. Sorry for any inconvenience. Thanks!

Can someone explain to me why, three months after the rate increase went into effect, this is MY problem?!? Can they not give their officers updated information? I'm quite certain that if the roles were somehow reversed, the government would still come out on top in this matter. Isn't it that way in taxes -- if you owe back taxes, you owe interest, but if you pay in more, they don't owe you beans? This doesn't seem quite right to me.

Don't even get me started on my opinion of the constitutionality of speed limit laws...



No, it hasn't. But sometimes it feels good to spit nails instead of chewing them.