I'll be honest. I've been struggling pretty hard the past few weeks. It's one reason why there have been so few posts here; I want to post stuff that people would want to read, and I just haven't felt inspired to write anything remotely cheerful.
The money thing is really, really getting me down. I just don't see a way out, to be frank.
Couple that with a difficult teenager battling mental illness, and we're pegging the red zone. There are just so many days in a row that I can listen to someone screaming that I'm a dumb@$$ motherf%cker because I won't take her to WalMart RIGHT NOW... before I just throw in the towel and say that I'm done. Forget that she refuses to shower or wear clean clothes. Or that she wakes up in the night and goes through everyone's stuff while they're sleeping and uses our cell phones to text boys she barely knows to arrange to meet her for sex. Yeah, she's fun to live with. If I could put her on a plane and send her to Russia, I'd probably do it tomorrow morning.
I don't really have any respite right now. There is not a single hour in my week that I get a break from her... or from worrying...
Six more weeks of school left, and then ten weeks of summer "vacation" in which I get even more "together time."
I really do feel for this adoptive mom who sent her kid back to Russia. Some idiot on TV a couple of mornings ago opined that this mom should've availed herself of the many resources out there to help people like this.
You want to really make a difference? Start making people aware of these "resources." Because there are those of us out here who haven't found a whole lot of "resources" available to us. We MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY. Nevermind that our entire income is eaten up by medical bills (it's true -- you wanna see the spreadsheets? we've got those.) because we don't get any assistance from ANYONE... and nevermind that even with all that, we're still TAXED TO THE MAX and get nothing back. NOTHING.
Sure, there are lots of places that do residential treatment for kids with mental illnesses.
If you've got MONEY.
We don't. And ObamaCare isn't going to pay for it, either... don't start with me on THAT front. They're just going to take away the last dribble of income we have left and give us NOTHING in return. Forget the T.E.A. Party... I'm not "taxed enough already"... I'm "taxed too much already". TTMA.
Yeah, I'm pretty much mired in despair at the moment. Unless you've got a winning lottery ticket to give us, we're screwed.
I'm all cried out.
If you made it this far, thanks for listening to me rant. Don't feel like you have to leave any comforting words; it's not necessary. I know it's a drag to read this kind of thing and I apologize. I may change my mind and take this post down just because I don't like to harsh anyone's mellow.