Oh, puh-leeeze

Lobsters and crabs can feel pain, researchers say

If crabs are given medicine -- anesthetics or analgesics -- they appear to feel relieved, showing fewer responses to negative stimuli. And finally, the researchers wrote, crustaceans possess "high cognitive ability and sentience."

Really? My Lobster Thermidor was once a sentient being?

Actually, I've never had lobster thermidor in my life. In fact, I'm going to Google it right now to find out exactly what it is. It just sounds very hoity-toity.

Sentient my pinkytoe. I still get to eat him for supper alongside a lovely, juicy ribeye. What, are they going to insist that the cow who provided that ribeye can do calculus? Sheesh, people.

UPDATE: Okay, yeah... Wikipedia says this about Lobster Thermidor:

Lobster Thermidor is a French dish consisting of a creamy cheesy mixture of cooked lobster meat, egg yolks, and brandy or sherry, stuffed into a lobster shell, and optionally served with an oven-browned cheese crust. The sauce must contain mustard (typically powdered mustard) in order to be true to the original recipe and to have the distinctive Thermidor taste.

I CAN HAZ LOBSTER THERMIDOR? PLZ? NAO?

I read the Wikipedia definition out loud to Rick, who also has never had Lobster Thermidor. "And they'll put on your tombstone, 'She Died Happy,'" he sez.

Hear, hear.