Two more weeks

I know, it's rather early to be doing all the pre-op stuff, but the way this surgeon's office does things, they try to bring all their pending surgery candidates together at once to give all the post-op instructions. It makes sense; there is a LOT to learn about how to take care of oneself after this sort of surgery and they might as well put us all together in one meeting room to give us the necessary information.

After the meetings, we separated out and Dr. Stewart met with each of us individually to talk over what would be happening. He's a pretty decent dude and didn't talk down to me at all.

Finally, they sent me over to the hospital to do the check-in paperwork so that on the day of my surgery (Wednesday, July 23 -- exactly two weeks from today) I can just walk in and everything's all done for me. There they took more bloodwork and did a chest X-ray to be sure I didn't have pneumonia or tuberculosis or anything.

All in all it took about five hours to finish all of it, but it wasn't unproductive time. My questions were answered satisfactorily and I have all the necessary information put together into a tidy binder.

I have been struggling the past few days with a panic/anxiety thing. For a while last weekend I couldn't get out of bed because of it. I think that the subconscious memory of how absolutely awful I felt after all my other surgeries is coming back to haunt me. I've been shaky and my heart rate is up. My BP is, thankfully, under control (God bless the people who invented BP meds). I do NOT want to do this and I swear by everything that is sacred and holy that I wouldn't be undergoing any of it if I didn't have to.

When I know I'm in the throes of a panic response, I have to just ride it out quietly at home whenever possible. I take care of my kids and do what's necessary right here at home, without trying to add a bunch of other variables to it. That way I avoid being so freaked out that I can't even get out of bed.

Rick has been really taking care of me, as has a friend who lives nearby. I am going to be just fine.