Thursday, May 25, 2006

Short people

Okay, I've always figured I had some kind of advantage, being four feet, eleven and a half inches tall. (All right, at the hospital they measured me at four feet, eleven and a quarter, but because it was eight o'clock at night, I'm going to attribute that quarter-inch to the "some settling may occur" principle)

Yeah, I quite often must ask for assistance to reach things on grocery store shelves and department store racks. But I don't have to do a human origami trick to get into my car, and my feet never hang off the end of a bed unless it's a toddler bed.

All right, cut the crap. Having to hem up every article of clothing I buy... pantyhose up to my chin... climbing the kitchen cabinets... high school students patting me on the head... [growl]... maybe that's why I'm blunt and confrontational by nature; otherwise, who'd even see me?

But hey, this vertically-challenged guy gets a pass from the pokey thanks to his diminutive stature:

Judge: Man is too short for prison
SIDNEY, Neb. - A judge said a 5-foot-1 man convicted of sexually assaulting a child was too small to survive in prison, and gave him 10 years of probation instead.

His crimes deserved a long sentence, District Judge Kristine Cecava said, but she worried that Richard W. Thompson, 50, would be especially imperiled by prison dangers.

Okay, back up a minute. This guy ain't just in danger of becoming everyone's prison beeyotch because of his SIZE. He's a freekin' pedophile. I hear they don't like his kind in the clink.

No, this guy does not deserve the extended probation deal he got. Put him in solitary, for pete's sake, but people who mess with little kids need to be locked up FOREVER. Locked up, castrated, maybe even executed. We don't need them on the planet.

And never mind that he probably goes for little kids because they're the same size as him. Doesn't matter. There are plenty of short women out there, some of 'em I'm sure wouldn't even mind his annoying child-porn habits.

PUKE. What a disgusting little man, and I mean that in every way possible.

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