Wednesday, April 06, 2005

No Child Left Behind

The Basketball Version

This e-mail just came through here at school and has me chuckling. I'd be laughing louder except that it's painfully and unfortunately accurate. NCLB is the stooopidest... well, don't get me started. Instead, enjoy:
All teams must advance to the Sweet 16, and all will win the championship.

If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable.

All kids will be expected to have the same basketball skills at the same time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for interest in basketball, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY BASKETBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.

Talented players will be asked to practice on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in basketball, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like basketball.

Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in 4th, 8th and 11th games.

This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimal goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.

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