Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Bundle of nerves...

I went to music practice last night at church and realized that I was the *only* instrumentalist this week. Apparently the children's choir is singing their Christmas program on Sunday, but it isn't quite long enough to fill up an entire service, so we're having some congregational music beforehand. I was a little bit flustered at being the only one -- don't get me wrong, I've been the only instrumentalist a gazillion times, so it isn't that that freaked me out -- but that I didn't realize I was going to be *it*. Jeff (the worship leader) didn't even bring his guitar along. At least there were two other vocalists to round out the spectrum, so maybe it won't sound too "nekkid". I think I let my discombobulation get the better of me, though. I was really serious and focused, and wasn't able to just let go and have fun. I am totally NOT nervous about doing the music right, though... that's usually something I can quickly and easily give over to God. It's just adjusting my expectations.

Plus, I was still just a wee bit amazed that Jeff would so quickly turn over an entire song set (albeit, a short one) to ME. It shows an amazing amount of trust. I'd like to be able to live up to that! I hope his trust isn't unfounded.

I think, too, that my entry into this church's sphere has been so sudden that I still haven't gotten a good handle on people's personalities. They are all so NICE... I keep waiting for that other shoe to drop. Surely there's something, somewhere, unpleasant about this place! There always has been, everywhere I've ever been. The pastor turns out to be a nincompoop, the worship leader turns out to be a perfectionistic egotist, *something*. It's almost always something that can be lived with, but it's always been there. I'm just so accustomed to being on the "inside" of all the inner workings that it's difficult to be on the outside fringes and just guessing as to all the permutations of staff relationships.

Okay, I'm done over-analyzing, at least for the next few hours while I've got students. I'm sure I'll be back to it before long.

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