I arrived at school today and found that my desk computer had lost connection with the network. Being the DIY type, I carefully leaned out of my wheelchair and got to the floor to crawl to the router to reset it. I couldn't reach it. And also quickly realized I couldn't get back into my wheelchair.
I'm grateful that I had some students already in the room; two big burly fellows rallied to my aid and lifted me up into my chair. I won't be trying that one again anytime soon.
My next appointment with my neuro is on May 15. I'm going to ask her to start the process for me to get a power chair with a lift that can raise me up high enough to see my students' work (as well as do things like cook and wash dishes at home). If I ever see any physical improvement at all, it will take months or even years. And in the meantime, I need to be able to get around. I can push this regular chair around on an indoor surface or on a good sidewalk, but it's useless on grass or uneven surfaces. And there's just too much I can't do.
I'm thinking about starting blogging here again on a more regular basis. I'm aware that no-one reads it anymore, which is totally fine because I just need a place I can rant and sort my thoughts. I really am a cheerful person by nature, and I'm not angry with God about my physical condition because PLEASE, God doesn't owe me anything. But sometimes I still have feelings of despair, of uselessness, etc... and I think I just need a place to be able to write it out and then work through it.
I do want to gush a little about how awesome my church family has been. Honestly, sometimes (okay, all times) the worship service isn't spectacular, and the youth group never ministered to my son (which broke my heart a little, because church youth group was always such a big part of my life). But my son has found a place of service that he enjoys -- he runs the sound booth and has been awesome back there. And interestingly, he has become a fan of the old-school hymns (go figure!) that we usually sing. So all is not lost, at least on that front. I used to play a second keyboard to go along with the piano and organ, and I loved doing that, but I cannot play anymore. I can still sing, so they set up a mic and a music stand for me. Rick leads the music but does not select the songs; I think the pastor and pianist do that. Alice works in the nursery every Sunday and plays with the little ones. So even though it's not a "contemporary service with a band" kind of church, we've plugged in where we can and we do our best to help.
HOWEVER... however "imperfect" it may seem to an outsider who's been going to contemporary services... the kindness and commitment the members show for caring for one another? I'd rank it far and above most other churches I've been a member of in my life. The very first Sunday I showed up to church in a wheelchair, the deacons got together and began to work out the details of building me a ramp to get into my house. After three weeks of planning, they came to the house and totally just built me a fantastic awesome ramp. I am in awe of the level of commitment to service that these people have for one another. THIS is what "church" is really supposed to be. Not guitars and drums (although those things can be awesome). It's about loving one another. And the rest of the world sees this love and marvels at it ("See how they love one another!"). This is how Jesus wants us to be.