For the past year and a half, I have been progressively suffering from peripheral neuropathy. It began on the palms of my hands, causing me to have difficulty playing the piano. I had an MRI of my neck at that time, showing herniated discs and spinal stenosis, and last May I had two of my neck vertebrae surgically fused. The problem has not progressed in my hands, but has not improved since then.
Then the soles of my feet began to go numb, and has progressed up my legs. Today I will visit the neurologist, who will likely send me for an MRI of my thoracic and/or lumbar spine. I have had to use a cane to walk for several months already, and I had to resign my job as bus driver because it's hard to use the pedals.
I would've already been in this process, but in December I became seriously ill with bacterial pneumonia and sepsis, resulting in a three-day stint in ICU. Post-sepsis syndrome has kicked my hiney hard; every couple of weeks I have crushing fatigue and am unable to work for a day or two. I've gone far and away above my allowed work absences, which has killed my paychecks.
The fatigue and depression have prevented me from being more pro-active in seeking help for my neuro issues. I finally just gritted my teeth and made the call.
I am not going to lie and tell you I'm blissfully unconcerned... but I'm also okay. None of us ever expects the Spanish Inquisition [/montypython], and we all have to go through a grief process when we have to give up on our ideas and expectations out of life. But I will still trust God and look for the beautiful in every day.