I went to my family doctor today, and while giving me a full once-over she noticed how tense I was. She has already scheduled me for a stress echocardiogram this Friday morning, but she also gave me some stretching and relaxation exercises and a scrip for muscle relaxers to use at night before I go to bed, to try to get me loosened up.
In the meantime, too, I've begun painting again. And I've dropped out of pretty much every single outside activity other than the blues band.
I'm actually a fairly solitary person by nature, and since dropping straight out of my usual life several weeks ago, I think I've come to the conclusion that (as weird as this may seem) if I have to be around too many people, it stresses me out. I need much more alone-time than I have been allowing myself. Some people are energized by crowds. I'm sapped by them. Too many things to pay attention to; too much external stimulation. I take a lot of my behavior cues from carefully observing my surroundings (much like a chameleon), so if there are too many surroundings, I have to work harder to lock onto one single dominant character and make sure I'm in line with them.
I asked Rick the other day, "If you could change one thing about me, what would that be?" His answer was, "Your ADD."
I then asked him what one thing he would change about himself. "My lack of social understanding," he answered frankly.
Whatever lack of perception he may suffer from, I think he has a very, very good point about both of them. Wish we could wave a wand and make them go away.