Y'all might want to stand clear

While I was lying near-death in bed yesterday, I got a call from the middle school. She's been cutting.

I can barely think, but I called the therapist and set up an emergency appointment.

When she came home, I checked it over. It was a letter "C"; she claimed it stood for her friend Caitlyn, but she doesn't have any friends named Caitlyn. Lying, as usual. Can someone tell me -- what do you DO with a kid like this?

This morning, I'm still not feeling tip-top, but I was okay to go back to work. Littlest One was scratching his head, so I checked him under a brighter light than I did the other day.

Head lice. Lots of them.

I checked Next Littlest. Yep.

I texted Teenager, who was already at the high school. She visited the nurse, who immediately sent her home.

The whole head-lice thing totally drove EVERYTHING ELSE out of my brain. I just got a phone call from the therapist. "Where are you guys?"

CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP.

I want off this amusement-park ride. I'm not amused.

Let's see...
--Fleas
--Norovirus
--Self-injuring
--Lice

Here's a list of the Original Ten, from the book of Exodus:
1. All the water in Egypt turned to blood.
2. Frogs everywhere.
3. Gnats
4. Flies
5. Diseases on livestock of Egyptians only
6. Boils
7. Hail
8. Locusts
9. Darkness for three days (except over the Israelites' land)
10. Death of the firstborn

I'm thinking I don't want to wait around for number Five, much less all Ten. I'm listening, God -- honest, I am.

But in the meantime, I'd advise you all to stand clear, because who knows what might be coming next? I certainly don't want to know.