Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Go, Granny, Go!

"It was either him or me," Ms. Reed told police after the Tuesday night scrap outside her Frisco apartment building. So she grabbed the gun, turned the barrel toward her assailant's stomach and pulled the trigger.

A shot rang out, and her attacker said, "Oh, [expletive]."


[snicker snicker] Go, Granny! That crap-for-brains (pictured at right) got what he deserved.

I'm planning on completing my concealed handgun license sometime this year. Then I've got my eye on a Baby Glock 26 (9mm). It ain't pretty, but it'll do what needs doin'.

Evil and STOOPID skwerl

From the Dallas Morning News:

Sticky situation for squirrel





When wildlife technician Joe Warner [was dispatched] to the scene in the 1700 block of East Elmore Avenue in East Oak Cliff, he expected to find a squirrel sitting in a hole with “its head poking out, watching the goofy people.”

...

Mr. Warner got a ladder and a handsaw and began to work. For the next 45 minutes, he carefully sawed around the squirrel, picking away at the tree to create enough room to ease out the critter.

Within seconds of gaining freedom, the squirrel quickly jumped back on the tree and scurried away.

So how did the squirrel get stuck? Too many nuts? Mr. Warner’s theory: the squirrel was pregnant.

I could've saved him 45 minutes of his life that are now gone forever, and I would've had some stew for supper as a bonus.

The article mentions that Warner, who works for a company called 911 Wildlife, answers squirrel calls on a daily basis. This makes me ashamed to be an American, I tell you. Where are the rugged individualists who aren't afraid to bust a cap in a pesky varmint and who don't scream for help like a little girl who can't swat a fly?

Idgits.

Today's English lesson

From the American Heritage Book of English Usage:


Every Good Boy
Does Fine






Every is representative of a large class of English words and expressions that are singular in form but felt to be plural in sense. The class includes, for example, noun phrases introduced by every, any, and certain uses of some. These expressions invariably take a singular verb; we say
Every car has (not have) been tested.
Anyone is (not are) liable to fall ill.
But when a sentence contains a pronoun that refers to a previous noun phrase introduced by every, grammar and sense pull in different directions. The grammar of these expressions requires a singular pronoun, as in
Every car must have its brakes tested.
but the meaning often leads people to use the plural pronoun, as in
Every car must have their brakes tested.
The use of plural pronouns in such cases is common in speech, but it is still widely regarded as incorrect in writing.

The effort to adhere to the grammatical rule causes complications, however. The first is grammatical. When a pronoun refers to a phrase containing every or any that falls within a different independent clause, the pronoun cannot be singular. Thus it is simply not English to say
Every man left; he took his raincoat with him.
Nor can you say
No one could be seen, could he?
If you are unwilling to use plural forms in these examples, you must find another way of expressing your meaning, either by rephrasing the sentence so as to get the pronoun into the same clause -- as in
Every man left, taking his raincoat with him.
or by substituting another word for every or any -- as in
All the men left; they took their raincoats with them.


The second complication is political. When a phrase introduced by every or any refers to a group containing both men and women, what pronoun should you use? Consider the example
Every person in this office must keep track of his (her? his or her? their?) own expenses.
Many writers of English have traditionally used the pronouns he, him, and his as generic or gender-neutral singular pronouns in formal writing, as in
A novelist should write about what he knows best and No one seems to take any pride in his work anymore.
However, whether he really refers to both genders or can be considered gender-neutral is questionable, since many people feel that it can only designate a male who is supposed to be taken as the representative member of the group referred to. When many occupations and public offices were held exclusively by men, using he in this way was unremarkable. For example, the sentence
Each member of Congress is answerable to his constituents.
could raise no objections throughout most of U.S. history, as Congress was occupied exclusively by men, and there was scant possibility of women holding office. But the argument for the continued use of the so-called masculine generic in formal English gets more shaky every day, with women becoming more visible in all aspects of public life; instead the singular masculine pronouns now seem best used when referring to a group of men—and when used in this way they parallel the singular feminine pronouns.

Nonetheless, the use of the masculine pronoun as generic still has its advocates: in a series of sample sentences such as
A taxpayer who fails to disclose the source of _____ income can be prosecuted under the new law.
37 percent of the Usage Panel completed the sentences with the masculine pronoun.

But if you don’t like the traditional usage or feel it is sexist, you will want to avoid generic he.

Today's fortune cookie

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

A Book Meme


Found this over at Poppy Cedes and thought I'd play along...

Look at the list of books below.

* Bold the ones you've read.
* Italicize the ones you want to read.
* Underline the books whose movie version you've seen.
* Leave blank the ones that you aren't interested in.
* If you are reading this: Tag, you're it!



1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien) (cartoon version)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible (all the way through)
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolsoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

Today's English lesson

From the American Heritage Book of English Usage:


Take a Breather
With Either




either of more than two.
A traditional rule holds that either should be used only to refer to one of two items and that any is required when more than two items are involved:
Any (not either) of the three opposition candidates still in the race would make a better president than the incumbent.
Remember that the rule applies only to the use of either as a pronoun or an adjective, as in
Either computer will run the software.
When using either as a conjunction, you can apply it to more than two elements in a series:
She left her glove either at the convenience store, the library, or the playground.
Either the union will make a counteroffer or the owners will close the factory or the mayor will intervene.


either with singular or plural verb.
When used as a pronoun, either is normally singular and takes a singular verb:
The two surgeons disagree with each other more than either does (not do) with the pathologist.
But when either is followed by of and a plural noun, it is often used with a plural verb:
Either of the parties have enough support to form a government.
As frequent as this usage may be, it is widely regarded as incorrect. Ninety-two percent of the Usage Panel rejected it in an earlier survey.

either … or and verb agreement.
When all the elements in an either … or construction (or a neither … nor construction) used as the subject of a sentence are singular, the verb is singular:
Either Eve or Herb has been invited.
Analogously, when all the elements in the either … or construction are plural, the verb is plural too:
Either the Clarks or the Kays have been invited.
When the construction mixes singular and plural elements, however, there is some confusion as to which form the verb should take. Some people argue that the verb should agree with whichever noun phrase is closest to it. The Usage Panel has much sympathy for this view. Fifty-five percent prefer the plural verb for the sentence
Either the owner or the players is going/are going to have to give in.
Another 12 percent find either verb acceptable, meaning that, overall, 67 percent accept the plural verb in such situations, and only 33 percent would require the singular. If none of these solutions satisfies you, the only alternative is to revise the sentence to avoid the either … or construction.

Today's fortune cookie


What, you mean we're NOT going to have to apply for public assistance? That would be good news.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Wholesale

Finally it's been confirmed

Meetings
make you
stupid.

I've always thought so, myself. I hate them. They are largely a waste of time and nothing is accomplished. Faculty meetings tend to go one of two ways -- either a monotonous list of announcements that could've been e-mailed to me, or a ranting beeyotch-fest that I don't need/want to hear. Special-Ed meetings are merely a time for CYA, to have me put my signature on something saying I was there, for the benefit of the government agencies who fund the program.

Whenever I get to miss school to go to some kind of teacher's meeting, it tends to have little to do with the content and much more to do with "I'm going to eat my own liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti if I have to deal with these students one more day, and here's a great excuse to be gone."

Anyhow, my opinion's been backed up now. I can continue to merrily utilize my time sitting in meetings to personally brainstorm things to blog about. Or things to paint. Or I can mentally review the chord progressions in the new song I'm trying to learn for the band.

What do YOU do to pass the time when you're forced to sit in a meeting?

(artwork: "Bored Meeting", sculpture painting in shadow-box frame by Julie Borden.)

Yet another reason I hate government

("Angry Cat" by Pinguino)

A couple of weeks ago I got a speeding ticket in Oklahoma. [growl] It was a trap, of course, but they nabbed me fair and square and I didn't have much recourse. The officer probably didn't like my Texas plates, so he handed me my hiney on a platter and my ticket was going to cost $203 (I was going 80 in a 65 zone). Of course, nowadays they're up-to-date in Okra-Homa, and they have all the fines listed carefully on a tidy manila envelope in which you can put your cashier's check or money order. The officer handed me said envelope and I went along my merry way.

We sent the check in promptly, because we're decent law-abiding citizens who don't like to raise a fuss.

Today I received a notice in the mail from the Court Clerk's office in Marshall County, Oklahoma, saying I still owe them $11. Want to know why? Here's her nice little note:

The prices on the gold envelope that the officer gave you were incorrect. The prices increased on 11-1-06. Sorry for any inconvenience. Thanks!


Can someone explain to me why, three months after the rate increase went into effect, this is MY problem?!? Can they not give their officers updated information? I'm quite certain that if the roles were somehow reversed, the government would still come out on top in this matter. Isn't it that way in taxes -- if you owe back taxes, you owe interest, but if you pay in more, they don't owe you beans? This doesn't seem quite right to me.

Don't even get me started on my opinion of the constitutionality of speed limit laws...



No, it hasn't. But sometimes it feels good to spit nails instead of chewing them.

The World According to Alice

Alice is our eleven-year-old little girl who's overcome many, many obstacles in order to be able to read and write. Today she brought home some of her assignments from school, one of which was an item from President's Day. She was to write what she would do if she were President of the United States. Here's what she wrote:

Today's English lesson

From the American Heritage Book of English Usage:

To Each...

each with singular or plural verb.

The traditional rule holds that the subject of a sentence beginning with each is grammatically singular, and the verb and following pronouns must be singular. Thus you should say
Each of the apartments has (not have) its (not their) own private entrance (not entrances).
When each follows a plural subject, however, the verb and subsequent pronouns remain in the plural:
The apartments each have their own private entrances (not has its own private entrance).
But when each follows the verb with we as its subject, the rule has an exception. You can say either
We boys have each our own room.
or
We boys have each his own room.
though the latter form may strike readers as stilted.

each and every.
The expression each and every is likewise followed by a singular verb and singular pronoun in formal style:
Each and every driver knows (not know) what his or her (not their) job is to be.



Today's fortune cookie

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Go make your portrait!

It's fun! Go to Portrait Illustration Maker to do one for yourself. H/T to MaggieKatzen.

God -- EXPOSED!!

Steve H. over at HogOnIce pontificates about Hollywood religion, and it's good stuff (language is a wee bit PG-13, just to warn you if you're bothered by such things).

My son, my son

Isaac is trying to complete his Boy Scout Wolf Cub patch requirements. One of the activities is to have a collection of something and to give a ten-minute talk about the collection. We had decided his collection would be books, since we already have lots of those and we don't really have the $$ to invest in anything new right now.

Isaac was disappointed, however. He had wanted to give a talk on his collection of empty toilet-paper tubes.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Dust In The Wind

The wind was rather high in the North Ruralville vicinity... so high that when I left home this afternoon to head for band practice, here's what it looked like hereabouts:

This is looking north on my street.



Beautiful downtown North Ruralville, Texas



No, North Ruralville hasn't got any stoplights. Are you crazy? Anyhow, this is in Whitesboro, a few miles north of us.


The sun, I'm pretty sure. There weren't any clouds -- it would've been a regular sunny day if most of the topsoil in Cooke County, Texas hadn't been blowing over us.

On the way up to Ardmore, Oklahoma, the wind was brutal on I-35. So brutal, in fact, that we were re-routed around an overturned semi that was blown partially off an overpass. All in all, I was thankful to get to practice. Here's a quick pic of the setup I'm playing on there:

That's their Korg Triton up top, and my Roland RS-70 below. They use the Korg to sequence in a click-track for our in-ear monitors and extra instrumentals to fill out the sound. It's quite a nice arrangement, really, and I've had to jump in with both feet and learn how to run the sequencer.


This is the stage area for the church. It's in an old downtown industrial building and it's still a work-in-progress right now. I love the atmosphere there among the people.


The drum set. It's a Yamaha electronic kit, but I don't know the model number.




Bill (the lead guitarist) plays on a nifty Paul Reed Smith with a terrific sound. I like PRSes; the first one I ever heard played was back in the Soulfire days when Timmy would put his acoustic Breedlove aside and fire up his silver PRS. I liked it then, and I like it now. The guitar in the background belongs to the drummer.

I like this group of people, and I hope we're able to continue working together. The sound is excellent and there's loads of potential down the road.

Vicious skwerl attacks four-year-old girl

Snack chips prompt squirrel attack on 4-year-old
Their daughter spotted the squirrel eating the family's snack chips and attempted to retrieve the bag, which apparently sparked the attack.


The city has had some trouble with what they call "aggressive squirrels" in the past.
The decision to kill four or five "aggressive'' squirrels was controversial in some quarters, and it sparked an online petition by squirrel lovers opposed to the plan.

I say the squirrel-brained idiots opposed to the plan should be coated with sunflower seeds and be locked in a small room with the four or five "aggressive" squirrels and we'll see if they're still "squirrel-lovers" after that...

Friday, February 23, 2007

More Friday night fashionblogging

I'm on a roll, I guess. Here are a few items from Milan Fashion Week that I thought deserved commentary of some sort.

First of all, can someone explain to me the colored fake-fur trend? It showed up in Armani's collection and in Etro's, too, which makes four different major designers using it in their Fall/Winter 2007/2008 collections:

Armani


Etro



And is this Missoni ensemble an indicator that the infamous Holiday Sweater might be about to make a comeback?



Put this particular little number by Pucci down as something I'd actually wear and love. This is just so me. I could probably construct something similar with paua shells, if I just really had the hankering. Nonetheless, I love it.

As an aside, does this picture of Macy Gray look like someone in drag to you? [shudder] Honey, I suppose it could be possible for you to wear something even more unflattering than this, but I'm not sure:


I really liked most of Belstaff's collection. It seemed very wearable, even for someone shaped like me. I don't think I'll go for the Tin-Man Tights, really, and the Death-Warmed-Over model makeup is so typical and so ugly, but otherwise these next two Belstaff items were ones I liked very much:




I thought this green gown by Cavalli was a stunner. Absolutely lovely, and with a bit of a Greek/Egyptian flair as well:




Off With Her Head! said the Queen of Hearts. Marras displays its rendition of a Madame Alexander doll on methamphetamines:

Tanuki Trim?

These are Raccoon Dogs, seen here at the Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha, Nebraska (a right fine zoo, too -- I've been there many times). They're native to Asia and are actually dogs rather than related to raccoons. Apparently the kinship to domestic pooches is just too close for comfort for the animal-rights activists, and the designers using the fur are caving in as quickly as possible.

Is your coat fur fake, or Fido?

"Americans don't want Lassie turned into a fur coat," Moran said. "In the U.S., we treat cats and dogs as pets, not trimmings for the latest fashion wear."

Other retailers the Humane Society said sold mislabeled raccoon dog fur included Lord & Taylor, BergdorfGoodman.com and Neiman Marcus.com. Designers whose clothes were mismarked included Donna Karan's DKNY and Michael Kors. A coat from Oscar de la Renta advertised as raccoon had raccoon dog fur.

Neiman Marcus, which owns Bergdorf Goodman, said it removed Bogner and Andrew Marc coats from its Web sites. Michael Kors said it was investigating, and a DKNY spokeswoman said the label was unaware that raccoon dog fur had been used.

Donna Karan's executive vice president for global marketing and communications, Patti Cohen, said, "While it is not illegal to use this type of fur, we have taken measures to ensure that it is never again used for any of our products."


In Japan, the raccoon dog is called a tanuki. It's usually depicted with a large belly and is carrying a bottle of sake. It is something of a comic figure, since the male wild tanuki tends to sport a generous reproductive package. More contemporary representations tend to leave off that particular feature, however. As you can imagine, though, this has made it a mythical symbol of fertility and plenty.

A little bit of Friday night fashion snark


Since I'm stuck here in North Ruralville, Texas on a rainy Friday night in February, I figure I might as well make the best of it and see what there is in the fashion world to make fun of.

Wow... Donatella Versace's got a very, um, boxy and unstructured vision for fall 2007. These might as well be her maternity line as well -- how could you tell?



Yes, I'll take two of those giant blue fur ... umm ... okay, help me out here. What would YOU call this? It looks like it was made from Sully on Monsters, Inc. and sewn into the shape of Spongebob Squarepants.


And the winners in the Most Bizarre and Utterly Useless Headwear category are:

The Pink Patent-Leather Blinders from the Canadian identical twin designers Dean and Dan Caten for fashion house Dsquared2... which will probably be seen next week in Lady Heather's collection (from CSI:Vegas)... and then these samples of Kei Kagami's collection which appear to have been modeled after something the Survivor: Fiji contestants might've put together during a witch-doctor ceremony:




This one looks like she's wearing her own hen-house camouflage... Chicken Little's Special Ops team, perhaps?

That pretty much wraps up the fashion snark for the evening. I hear a commotion in the kitchen which I now must mediate.

Today's English lesson

From the American Heritage Book of English Usage:


Massively Passive






You may sometimes find it desirable to conjoin a passive verb form with a passive infinitive, as in
The building is scheduled to be demolished next week
and
The piece was originally intended to be played on the harpsichord.
These sentences are perfectly acceptable. But it’s easy for things to go wrong in these double passive constructions. They sometimes end in ambiguity:
An independent review of the proposal was requested to be made by the committee.
In this sentence, is the committee making the request or doing the review? What is worse, double passives often sound ungrammatical, as this example shows:
The fall in the value of the Yen was attempted to be stopped by the Central Bank.


How can you tell an acceptable double passive from an unacceptable one? If you can change the first verb into an active one, making the original subject its object, while keeping the passive infinitive, the original sentence is acceptable. Thus you can say
The city has scheduled the building to be demolished next week
and
The composer originally intended the piece to be played on the harpsichord.
But you cannot make similar changes in the other sentence. You cannot say
The Central Bank attempted the fall in the value of the Yen to be stopped.


This is all rather technical, however, and it may be easiest just to trust your ear. If a double passive sounds tinny, rewrite the sentence.

Today's fortune cookie

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Do you have an Amazon WishList?

I have two of them, myself. You can find them along the right sidebar if you scroll quite a ways down.

I don't expect to acquire any of those things, actually. I just think it's interesting to see what people WOULD buy for themselves if they COULD. How about you? Go make a wishlist and then send me the URL. It's a hoot.

My haircut

Trying to arrange a brand-new hairdo on the morning after you get it cut -- IMPOSSIBLE. It doesn't look even a little bit like she fixed it yesterday!! I know, I know... I just need some time to get used to it. I do like it, and it feels SO much better than the jagged, bedraggled curls I've been sporting of late, but I still don't have a routine of how to fix it. It's all pretty much back to my natural color, along with all the new silvery wires mingling among the browns. My color appointment isn't until April 10.

Today's English lesson

From the American Heritage Book of English Usage:


Negative Energy


double negative equals a positive. It is a truism of traditional grammar that double negatives combine to form an affirmative. Readers coming across a sentence like
He cannot do nothing.
will therefore interpret it as an affirmative statement meaning “He must do something” unless they are prompted to view it as dialect or nonstandard speech. Readers will also assign an affirmative meaning to constructions that yoke not with an adjective or adverb that begins with a negative prefix such as in- or un-, as in a not infrequent visitor or a not unjust decision. In these expressions the double negative conveys a weaker affirmative than would be conveyed by the positive adjective or adverb by itself. Thus a not infrequent visitor seems likely to visit less frequently than a frequent visitor.

double negative equals a negative. “You ain’t heard nothin’ yet,” said Al Jolson in 1927 in The Jazz Singer, the first talking motion picture. He meant, of course, “You haven’t heard anything yet.” Some 60 years later President Reagan taunted his political opponents by saying “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.” These famous examples of double negatives that reinforce (rather than nullify) a negative meaning show clearly that this construction is alive and well in spoken English. In fact, multiple negatives have been used to convey negative meaning in English since the tenth century, and throughout most of this history, this form of the double negative was wholly acceptable. Thus Chaucer in The Canterbury Tales could say of the Friar, “Ther nas no man nowher so vertuous,” meaning “There was no man so virtuous anywhere,” and Shakespeare could allow Viola in Twelfth Night to say of her heart, “Nor never none/Shall mistress of it be, save I alone,” by which she meant that no one except herself would ever be mistress of her heart.

double negative equals trouble. But in spite of this noble history, grammarians since the Renaissance have objected to this form of negative reinforcement employing the double negative. In their eagerness to make English conform to formal logic, they conceived and promulgated the notion that two negatives destroy one another and make a positive. This view was taken up by English teachers and has since become sanctioned as a convention of Standard English. Now if you use a double negative to mean “no” in formal speaking or writing, you run the risk of being considered an ignoramus. It’s probably best to look smart and use the double negative only when you want to imitate speech or strike a folksy note.

double negative with minimizing adverbs. The ban on multiple negatives also applies to the combination of negatives with adverbs such as barely, hardly, and scarcely. It is therefore incorrect to say
I couldn’t hardly do it.
or
The car scarcely needs no oil.
These adverbs have a minimizing effect on the verb. They mean something like “almost not at all.” They resemble negative adverbs such as not and never in that they are used with any, anybody, and similar words rather than none, nobody, and other negatives. Thus we say
You barely have any time left.
just as we would say
You don’t have any time left.
but we would not say
You barely have no time left.
since it would be an unacceptable double negative.

exceptions to the rule. The ban on using double negatives to convey emphasis does not apply when the second negative appears in a separate phrase or clause, as in
I will not surrender, not today, not ever.
or
He does not seek money, no more than he seeks fame.
You must use commas to separate the negative phrases in these examples. Thus the sentence
He does not seek money no more than he seeks fame.
is unacceptable, whereas the equivalent sentence with any is perfectly acceptable and requires no comma:
He does not seek money any more than he seeks fame.

Today's fortune cookie

Consider this fortune to be YOURS, 'cuz it certainly ain't MINE. It ain't mine on either count, Lord knows.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I feel lighter, somehow

Must be the haircut.

I couldn't get any decent pix of myself tonight, so I'll see if any of my students can take a decent one tomorrow. Unless I find that I am unable to style it in the morning, in which case I will conveniently forget my camera at home.

I can't believe I just bought a flatiron. This is so unlike me.

More Chinese astrology stuff

Firepig.com

Again, not something I believe in... not even an iota... it's purely entertainment. But it's also a very interesting peek into the Eastern culture and mindset, particularly of those who subscribe wholly or even partially to such things. I find it says more about the people who spend their time and livelihoods building personal scenarios to fit into this scheme somehow. Desire for control, perhaps? We all have that desire, built into our systems from the beginning... and then a desire to believe in the supernatural -- combined with the desire to somehow manipulate that supernatural force into creating circumstances which please us.

Okay, that's more philosophical than I wanted to get. I need my beauty sleep. You see:

After all, I am a high school English teacher. It's my calling. As Donald Fagen said on his most recent album, Morph the Cat: "It's what I do."

Today's English lesson

From the American Heritage Book of English Usage:


I Dare You!



Depending on its sense, the verb dare sometimes behaves like an auxiliary verb (such as can or may) and sometimes like a main verb (such as want or try).

When used as an auxiliary verb, dare does not change to agree with its subject:
He dare not do that again.
It also does not combine with do in questions, negations, or certain other constructions:
Dare we tell her the truth?
I dare not mention their names.
Finally, it does not take to before the verb that follows it:
If you dare breathe a word about it, I’ll never speak to you again.
When used as a main verb, dare does agree with its subject:
If he dares to show up at her house I’ll be surprised.
and it does combine with to
Did anyone dare to admit it?
It may optionally take to before the verb following it:
No one dares (or dares to) speak freely about the political situation.
The auxiliary forms differ subtly in meaning from the main verb forms in that they emphasize the attitude or involvement of the speaker while the main verb forms present a more objective situation. Thus
How dare she take the exam without ever once coming to class?
expresses indignation at the student’s action, whereas
How did she dare to take the exam without ever once coming to class?
is a genuine request for information.

When dare is used as a transitive verb meaning “challenge,” only main verb forms are possible and to is required:
Anyone who dares (not dare) him to attempt (not just attempt) it will be sorry.