Thank God somebody invented Depends

Stress Incontinence

The primary symptom of stress incontinence is leakage due to activities that apply pressure to a full bladder. High-impact exercise poses the greatest risk for leaking. But stress incontinence can occur with even minor activities, such as:

• Coughing
• Sneezing
• Laughing
• Running (sometimes even standing can produce leakage)
• Lifting

Leakage stops when the activity stops. If the condition persists, it is more likely to be urge incontinence.

Causes of Stress Incontinence in Women

Stress incontinence occurs because the internal sphincter does not close completely. In both men and women, the aging process causes a general weakening of the sphincter muscles and a decrease in bladder capacity. Causes of stress incontinence, however, may differ between men and women.

In women, stress incontinence is nearly always due to one or both of the following:

• The urethra fails to close and becomes overly movable ( urethral hypermobility).
• The muscles around the bladder neck weaken ( intrinsic sphincteric deficiency or ISD). Some experts believe that this problem is present to some degree in nearly all women with stress incontinence. (ISD can also occur in anyone from an inborn disorder or injury from surgery or radiation.)

Many women are prone to one or both of these problems, which can occur under the following circumstances:

• Having had many children through vaginal deliveries. In such cases, pregnancy and childbirth strain the muscles of the pelvic floor. Prolapsed uterus, in which the uterus protrudes into the vagina, occurs in about half of all women who have given birth. This condition can often cause incontinence.
• Menopause. Estrogen deficiencies after menopause can cause the urethra to thin out so that it may not close properly.

----------------------------
Don't TELL me to do Kegels. I'm telling you that even a cham-peen Kegel-er couldn't hold out against this kind of cough. I keep thinking my brains are going to come out my eye sockets, I'm coughing so hard. There ain't no way that little sphincter holds up. My head is pounding, even after plenty of good pain-reducing drugs.

And yes, I'm sure you all wanted to know that.

God bless the person who invented super-absorbent undergarment protectors. Otherwise I'd've had to change clothes six or seven times today.

Today's English lesson

From Common Errors In English:

Does Anybody
Really Know
What Time It Is?

"AM" stands for the Latin phrase Ante Meridiem -- which means "before noon" -- and "PM" stands for Post Meridiem : "after noon."

Although digital clocks routinely label noon "12:00 PM" you should avoid this expression not only because it is incorrect, but because many people will imagine you are talking about midnight instead. The same goes for "12:00 AM." Just say or write "noon" or "midnight" when you mean those precise times.

It is now rare to see periods placed after these abbreviations: "A.M." , but in formal writing it is still preferable to capitalize them, though the lower-case "am" and "pm" are now so popular they are not likely to get you into trouble.

Occasionally computer programs encourage you to write "AM" and "PM" without a space before them, but others will misread your data if you omit the space. The nonstandard habit of omitting the space is spreading rapidly, and should be avoided in formal writing.

Today's fortune cookie

Hack, hack, hack, hack, hack, hack, hack... hack...

I'm still sick.

Isaac's sick now, too. His temp is 101F.

And yes, I did have the flu shot back in November.

I've still been going to school, probably as a subconscious way of getting back at my students by giving them germs or something. Heck, I'm pretty sure they're the ones who gave it to me in the first place; it's only natural that I'd turn around and give it back.

One More Giant Squirrel Down...

May God bless the United States Military and all the brave men and women out there in harm's way, offing the bad guys so I won't have to. I owe an infinite debt of gratitude to them, one and all.




From my pals over at the WOW Report.

Today's English lesson

From EnglishPlus:

The Envy of All


Envelopes

The envelope should be a standard size that matches the stationery (approximately 4"x9�" for standard 8�"x11" stationery). Fold the letter twice so that it is creased to make thirds. This will fit easily in a standard envelope, and it is easy to unfold.

The address of the recipient is in the middle of the envelope, beginning approximately halfway down. (Be sure it is mostly below the stamp, or it may get covered over by the cancellation.)

The return address is in the upper left hand corner. This is not necessary to type in if the stationery is preprinted with the return address.

If you are using business envelopes with a window, fold the letter so that the inside address shows through the window.

Use the block style letter if the envelope has a double window. This will make the return address appear in the upper window of the envelope.

Some correspondents include an attention line near the lower left corner for routing purposes. This is normally part of the main address unless space is a factor. It may be a department or a person's name.

Example: Attn: Returns Dept.

Due to variations in stationery size, it may be necessary to fold a personal letter differently to fit in the envelope that matches the stationery.

If the personal letter is in a small envelope, the return address may be written on the envelope flap after the envelope is sealed.

Today's fortune cookie

Still sick

Felt like pigpoop all day.

Still do.

Going to bed after I post tomorrow's dailies.

Washington's Farewell Address, in contemporary English

I thought this was quite nicely done, and much easier to understand. I think that all our founding-father documents should be translated like this once every ten or twenty years, just to keep it fresh and keep people aware of what those men thought and said. Heck, they do it with the Bible, there's no reason we shouldn't "update" all our literary and political documents to make them more accessible. I do think it's important to teach Shakespeare in the original language, but I think that every year we get further and further away from understanding it. Perhaps teach a certain passage in the original, but translate the rest into modern English. I don't mean simpler. I just mean modern.

Today's English lesson

Hey, you don't have to
get all Personal on me, here

Personal letters, also known as friendly letters, and social notes normally have five parts.

1. The Heading. This includes the address, line by line, with the last line being the date. Skip a line after the heading. The heading is indented to the middle of the page. If using preaddressed stationery, just add the date.

2. The Greeting. The greeting always ends with a comma. The greeting may be formal, beginning with the word "dear" and using the person's given name or relationship, or it may be informal if appropriate.

Formal: Dear Uncle Jim, Dear Mr. Wilkins,

Informal: Hi Joe, Greetings,

(Occasionally very personal greetings may end with an exclamation point for emphasis.)

3. The body. Also known as the main text. This includes the message you want to write. Normally in a friendly letter, the beginning of paragraphs is indented. If not indented, be sure to skip a space between paragraphs. Skip a line after the greeting and before the close.

4. The complimentary close. This short expression is always a few words on a single line. It ends in a comma. It should be indented to the same column as the heading. Skip one to three spaces (two is usual) for the signature line.

5. The signature line. Type or print your name. The handwritten signature goes above this line and below the close. The signature line and the handwritten signature are indented to the same column as the close. The signature should be written in blue or black ink. If the letter is quite informal, you may omit the signature line as long as you sign the letter.

Postscript. If your letter contains a postscript, begin it with P.S. and end it with your initials. Skip a line after the signature line to begin the postscript.

Today's fortune cookie

Musical possibilities???

Back when I was still in Iowa but getting ready to head down here, I was browsing around on the internet, looking for web sites of bands in the general area. I found a site called BandMix that is a little like the Match.com of the music world, and I signed up. It seemed like a pretty good way to link up with other musicians and bands.

I didn't really hear much from it, but that was okay. I have been so busy and stressed-out with the whole cross-country move thing, and I didn't really have time to join a band again. They do send a once-weekly e-mail with a list of recent sign-ups and what they're looking for (keyboards, bass player, etc.), and I usually scan it, but not too seriously.

I saw the e-mail today and browsed through it (in between sneezes) and saw a Christian band in Ardmore, Oklahoma (about 40 miles north of me). I looked at their profile and thought they looked interesting, but then deleted the e-mail and went on with blogging and sleeping and didn't give it another thought.

Well, they apparently found MY profile on there as well, because they contacted ME. I've chatted with them on the phone just now, and I'm going to go meet them this Thursday night and see if it's a possibility.

More to come.

Math for visual people like me

You're going to love this:

Ferris, do you KNOW what my diastolic is?!?

By the way, if you Google the phrase "Do you know what my diastolic is?" my blog shows up first.

Heh. [hack hack cough sneeze]

[wheeze] I hope that whatever I just coughed up will eventually grow back. It looked important.

Somebody write this one down

I'm actually going to agree with something published in the New York Times.

[gasp]

It's true. I admit it.

Of course, it won't be anything political. There's not even the remotest possibility that the NYT and I will ever agree on that subject. But it is about food, and it's making a lot of sense. It's by Michael Pollan. Here's a quote:

The first thing to understand about nutritionism — I first encountered the term in the work of an Australian sociologist of science named Gyorgy Scrinis — is that it is not quite the same as nutrition. As the “ism” suggests, it is not a scientific subject but an ideology. Ideologies are ways of organizing large swaths of life and experience under a set of shared but unexamined assumptions. This quality makes an ideology particularly hard to see, at least while it’s exerting its hold on your culture. A reigning ideology is a little like the weather, all pervasive and virtually inescapable. Still, we can try.

In the case of nutritionism, the widely shared but unexamined assumption is that the key to understanding food is indeed the nutrient. From this basic premise flow several others. Since nutrients, as compared with foods, are invisible and therefore slightly mysterious, it falls to the scientists (and to the journalists through whom the scientists speak) to explain the hidden reality of foods to us. To enter a world in which you dine on unseen nutrients, you need lots of expert help.

You simply must go read all of this.

UPDATE: See what I mean??

UN condemns Holocaust denial

But we made 'em do it.

In the resolution proposed by the United States and co-sponsored by more than 100 countries, the 192-member Assembly General "urges all member states unreservedly to reject any denial of the Holocaust as a historical event, either in full or in part, or any activities to this end."

The resolution, adopted by consensus, does not name any country but points to "efforts to deny the Holocaust, which by ignoring the historical fact of these terrible events increase the risk they will be repeated."

Diplomats said the resolution was inspired by Iran, whose President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and other leaders deny the Nazis systematically murdered six million Jews, calling it a "myth."

Iran drew international condemnation for its two-day conference in December to examine questions posed by Ahmadinejad over the Holocaust.

US Undersecretary of State Nicholas Burns described the resolution Friday as "an effective repudiation of President Ahmadinejad's baseless and gross mischaracterization" of the Holocaust.

Burns noted that only Iran disassociated itself from the resolution.

Although the Israelis welcomed the resolution, their ambassador had some pretty pointed words to direct to Iran:

Israel's permanent UN representative Dan Gillerman lashed out at Tehran during the assembly session Friday.

"While the nations of the world gather here to affirm the historicity of the Holocaust with the intent of never again allowing genocide, a member of this assembly is acquiring the capabilities to carry out its own. The president of Iran is in fact saying, there really was no Holocaust, but just in case, we shall finish the job."

It's what they want... to finish the Holocaust and remove the Jews (and eventually ALL infidels, but especially Jews) from existence. It's called GENOCIDE. Charles Johnson over at LGF regularly gets e-mails like this from Islamonazi trolls (this one he was able to trace to the UK to The British Study Group, which is an organization aiding international students in Britain):

jew lovers, any news on the next holocaust. Can’t wait personally, lets hope its more fun than the last one - haha!

This cancer obviously was not eradicated completely during the last world war. It appears to have metastasized.

Quote to think about

A nation which prefers disgrace to danger is prepared for a master, and deserves one.

-- Alexander Hamilton

A little personal talk

Friday afternoon, after the teachers' seminar was finished for the day, I hopped into the van (having made sure I didn't lock the keys in it again... bleah!) and headed west. It was about four o'clock, and I had to be in downtown Fort Worth by 8:00 because I had a ticket to see Bruce Hornsby at the Bass Performance Hall.

It took me three hours to get there.

THREE HOURS.

Rush-hour traffic in the DFW metroplex is horrendous. An absolute nightmare. Most of the crunch was on the Dallas side, I will confess. Once I was out of Dallas and into the mid-cities, it was much less crunched. But that could've been simply because it was later in the day by the time I finally made it over there.

I had hoped I'd be able to sit down in some cool downtown restaurant, but I had to settle for the closest thing to where I parked, which was the downtown Chili's. I like Chili's, actually, but I regretted having to eat somewhere I've eaten before. Oh well.

The Bruce Hornsby concert was outstanding. He's very self-effacing and genuine. And he's funny. And so stinkin' talented that I just sat in bliss and awe for the entire two and a half hours. As soon as I arrived at the Bass, though, I was blindsided by the fact that he had gifted everyone in the audience with an elegant boxed set of CDs encompassing much of his work over the past twenty years. Holy cats, I thought... this thing alone is worth the admission price.





A very class act. He didn't veer into the liberal politics, which I was grateful for, and he was just all alone on the stage with a grand piano, which I was also grateful for. It was very simple and refreshing.

And a huge hand for the Bass Performance Hall -- the acoustics in that place are astoundingly wonderful. I didn't have a bit of trouble hearing. The hall is a lovely place, too:









I sat in the box seating section, so I had a regular chair instead of one of those fold-down theater things. I was in the back of the box, however, on a barstool-high chair. I could see, but I would've been ever so much happier in the front of the box. Meh. Next time I'll know.

It was around midnight or so when I finally drove into my driveway and crashed into bed. I got up early this morning and headed back down to UTD for the Saturday session of the teacher workshop. As I sat in a seat and unfolded the little desktop to put my folder, the bottom edge of it had a very sharp crack in it and I sliced open the middle finger of my left hand. I did have a Band-Aid, but I went ahead and let the facilities people know so they could address the problem and someone else wouldn't get injured on it. They had to have the campus police come over and fill out an accident report. Oy.

And on top of all that, I'm coming down with a cold. [grrrr]

I took my laptop and webcam to the session yesterday and recorded the hour-long narrative by Henry Greenbaum about his experience as a young Polish Jewish boy and his experiences in Nazi-controlled Poland, and his eventual experiences in Auschwitz (yes, he does have the number tattooed onto his left arm) and his experience of being liberated by American soldiers when he was seventeen (he weighed 75 pounds). Since it's so long, I can't upload it to YouTube in one big chunk, so I'm working on breaking it up into approximately ten-minute segments and I'll post it like that. I want all of you to hear what he had to say. It's important to listen to these people, these survivors; each one of them has a unique experience to share, and we must NOT forget.

As soon as those videos are uploaded, I'll post them here.

President Duncan Hunter?

Cool name. And even cooler when you read John Hawkins' interview with him.

Somebody tell me why this guy can't be the 2008 Republican nominee?

International Holocaust Remembrance Day

January 27, 1945
Children being liberated from Auschwitz
(photo from the USHMM web site)

Today was set aside by the UN last year as International Holocaust Remembrance Day. It's the anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz-Birkenau, one of the Nazi killing centers.

Light a candle tonight to remember... and to remind everyone around you that you'll do your part to see that it never happens again.

Today's English lesson

From EnglishPlus:

Let's Get Down
to Business

Business Letters

A business letter is more formal than a personal letter. It should have a margin of at least one inch on all four edges. It is always written on 8�"x11" (or metric equivalent) unlined stationery. There are six parts to a business letter.

1. The Heading. This contains the return address (usually two or three lines) with the date on the last line.

Sometimes it may be necessary to include a line after the address and before the date for a phone number, fax number, E-mail address, or something similar.

Often a line is skipped between the address and date. That should always be done if the heading is next to the left margin.

It is not necessary to type the return address if you are using stationery with the return address already imprinted. Always include the date.

2. The Inside Address. This is the address you are sending your letter to. Make it as complete as possible. Include titles and names if you know them.

This is always on the left margin. If an 8.5" x 11" paper is folded in thirds to fit in a standard 9" business envelope, the inside address can appear through the window in the envelope.

An inside address also helps the recipient route the letter properly and can help should the envelope be damaged and the address become unreadable.

Skip a line after the heading before the inside address. Skip another line after the inside address before the greeting.

3. The Greeting. Also called the salutation. The greeting in a business letter is always formal. It normally begins with the word "Dear" and always includes the person's last name.

It normally has a title. Use a first name only if the title is unclear--for example, you are writing to someone named "Leslie," but do not know whether the person is male or female.

The greeting in a business letter always ends in a colon. (You know you are in trouble if you get a letter from a boyfriend or girlfriend and the greeting ends in a colon--it is not going to be friendly.)

4. The Body. The body is written as text. A business letter is never hand written. Depending on the letter style you choose, paragraphs may be indented. Regardless of format, skip a line between paragraphs.

Skip a line between the greeting and the body. Skip a line between the body and the close.

5. The Complimentary Close. This short, polite closing ends with a comma. It is either at the left margin or its left edge is in the center, depending on the Business Letter Style that you use. It begins at the same column the heading does.

The block style is becoming more widely used because there is no indenting to bother with in the whole letter.

6. The Signature Line. Skip two lines (unless you have unusually wide or narrow lines) and type out the name to be signed. This customarily includes a middle initial, but does not have to. Women may indicate how they wish to be addressed by placing Miss, Mrs., Ms. or similar title in parentheses before their name.

The signature line may include a second line for a title, if appropriate. The term "By direction" in the second line means that a superior is authorizing the signer.

The signature should start directly above the first letter of the signature line in the space between the close and the signature line. Use blue or black ink.

Business letters should not contain postscripts.

Some organizations and companies may have formats that vary slightly.

Use the "Edit" function in the Help Menu above if you need to make additions to the information on this page.

Today's fortune cookie

Holocaust teachers' meeting, day one

Phenomenal symposium... I can't believe the serendipitous provision that allowed me to attend. I'm still digesting some of it, and I don't feel as though I can completely give you the rundown you deserve until I've listened a little longer. But I have benefited enormously from this training and the wealth of resources they've provided for us. I didn't have to pay to attend it, but I would've gladly paid for it. It was THAT worth it.

There's a national teachers' symposium in Washington DC at the Holocaust Museum there in late June of this year. It's also free; I'd just have to come up with a place to stay and transportation. I'd absolutely love to find a way to get there and soak up more of this. It's simply outstanding, and incredibly enlightening.

Evil skwerls, part 2974

Now the little vermin have found a way to prevent us from consuming their tasty bits: they're contaminating themselves with lead.

New Jersey To Ringwood Residents: Don't Eat The Squirrel

A letter sent out to residents said that children should not eat squirrel more than once a month, pregant women no more than twice per month, and adults not more than twice per week.

Members of the Ramapough Mountain Indian Tribe have been hunting deer and squirrel in the woods of Ringwood for years -- it's a tradition fathers pass down to their sons.

"It's scary because after we've eaten so many squirrel, rabbit, deer and what not, we come to find out they're contaminated," Roger Degroat Sr., a Ramapough member tells CBS 2.

Other hunters are now concerned because they've been eating squirrel for some time now. They're worried the contamination may have began a while ago. "After eating lead after all these years, we didn't know it and then they come up and say don't eat nothing," said Jack Walker, an avid hunter.

Dadblasted varmints. They're always finding some way to get out of being useful.

FYI

In last-ditch desperation I tried this, even though I was pretty sure it was bunk.

And it was.

My poor husband had to drive all the way from North Ruralville to Richardson to unlock my van.

I haven't done that in years.

He was gracious about it, however, saying that once when he was driving around doing rural insurance inspections, he locked his keys in the car twice in one week. I still felt schmucky, though.

Today's English lesson

From EnglishPlus:



Which Way Does
Punctuation Slant?




The Virgule

The virgule, often called the "slant bar" by computer users, has four specific uses in punctuation.

A virgule separates parts of an extended date.

Example: The 1994/95 basketball season.

Washington was born in February 1731/32.

A virgule represents the word per in measurements:

Example: 186,000 mi./sec. (miles per second)

A virgule stands for the word or in the expression and/or. (Though not considered standard, it sometimes stands for the word or in other expressions also.)

A virgule separates lines of poetry that are quoted in run-on fashion in the text. (For readability, avoid this with more than four lines.)

Example: Ann continued,"And up and down the people go,/ Gazing where the lilies blow/ Round an island there below,/ The island of Shalott."

Today's fortune cookie

Adventures, adventures

The life of a teacher is full of surprises. On Monday, one of my colleagues approached me and said that she'd registered for a conference this week, but now could not attend it. Was I interested?

I took a look at the materials. It's the Dallas-Area Teacher Forum on Holocaust Education. She knew that I had taught the Holocaust using the novel The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom, so she thought I might be able to glean some good stuff. You BET I was interested.

So tomorrow and Friday I get to spend the day at UT-Dallas (in Plano, actually). I am thrilled to have the opportunity to attend it.

And then, after it's over tomorrow, I'm going to go have supper at Cafe Brazil with my blogger pal MaggieKatzen. How could it be any better than this?

Cell phone karma

Thanks to my pal Prochein Amy for that one!

Today's English lesson

From EnglishPlus:

Yes, There Is A Legitimate Use
For Those Squared-Off Parentheses
Up By The Letter P On Your Keyboard

They're actually called brackets or crotchets, and they're always used in pairs to mark off material inserted into a quotation which is not part of the original quotation. The use of brackets should be limited, but may include short references, short definitions, a short piece of information which clarifies the quotation, or an editorial comment.

The Latin word sic, which means "thus" or "so," is often put into brackets to indicate a misspelling or some other misuse of language in the original quotation.

Brackets are also used in dictionaries, glossaries, and word lists to show word origins and etymologies.

Brackets may be used to show parenthetical information for material already inside parentheses.

Editorial insertion:

Then Ceres asked: Tell me, heavenly bow,
If Venus or her son [Cupid], as thou dost know,
Do now attend the queen.
(Clarifies the meaning)

Misspelling in original quotation:

"Mi dere Jo I hope u r write [sic] well."

Word origin: Brackets [L.]
(The word brackets comes from Latin.)

Parentheses within parentheses: (Charles Dickens [1812-1870] had been trained as a stenographer.)

Today's fortune cookie

Runway lunacy

First up, we have a sampling of Tisci.





Just a sampling will do. We're not entirely certain that it's an edible mushroom, so be careful.

Another oddity from Tisci:





I'm afraid they let the model out before checking to see that she was able to button the vest properly.

In the Chakra collection, it appears they've taken a cue from Baby Sally's wardrobe:













Unfortunately, Chakra's vision includes Baby Sally being assimilated by the Borg collective and then having her girls melted in a failed attempt to surgically transform her into Seven of Nine. The Emergency Medical Holographic Program initialized his Rogaine chip and entered society as a fashion designer.






Continuing with our Trekkish theme, Bulgarian designers Stoianova & Samouilov bring us the waitress costume from Telandria-Three. I'm always more impressed when the designers put those little unexpected touches of authenticity; the Telandrians consider live birds and scrolls to be a luxurious delicacy.





The Bulgarians strike out, I'm afraid, with their Nokia Nightie. The glow from all the cellphone viewscreens would keep me awake.

Galliano probably deserves his very own post, just because his collections invariably startle and unnerve me. First up, the Neapolitan Sherbet with puffed sleeves:





Remember when your little brother used to twist your Barbie's head backwards and put her arms the wrong way?





Of course it wasn't my little brother, since I didn't have one, but I seem to recall my cousin Matt doing some vile things to The Sunshine Family when his sister Heather and I weren't looking.

There's no accounting for the lengths some designers will go for their art. Galliano hired Mr. Miyagi to start working on this Bonsai Babe when she was only six months old, and look at her now:





Once he was inspired when a member of the Cirque du Soleil troupe crashed through his patio doors in a drunken stupor, becoming hopelessly entangled in the lime-green vertical blinds and finally diving headfirst into a rattan barstool.





Finally, Galliano wanted to show us the result of his six months of intensive origami workouts (interspersed between sea-salt leg scrubs and lemon daiquiris, of course):









I think he might want to stay away from the sake, however. This looks like something he hallucinated after reading Memoirs of a Geisha.

Today's English lesson

From EnglishPlus:

Dot, Dot, Dot...

The ellipsis is three periods in a row. It signifies that words or figures are missing.

Most frequently an ellipsis is used with quotations. It may come at the middle or end of a quotation. It may be used at the beginning of a quotation if the quotation begins mid-sentence and there is an appropriate lead-in.

In mathematics an ellipsis shows that numbers have been left out. This is usually used in decimals, series, and matrices.

Quotation:"Sometimes I'm ancient. I'm afraid of children my own age. They kill each other. Did it always use to be that way? My uncle says no. Six of my friends have been shot in the last year alone. Ten of them died in car wrecks. I'm afraid of them and they don't like me because I'm afraid. My uncle says his grandfather remembered when children didn't kill each other. But that was a long time ago when they had things different. They believed in responsibility, my uncle says."

Ellipsis in middle: "I'm afraid of children my own age. They kill each other. Did it always use to be that way? My uncle says no...My uncle says his grandfather remembered when children didn't kill each other. But that was a long time ago when they had things different. They believed in responsibility, my uncle says."

Ellipsis at end: "My uncle says his grandfather remembered when children didn't kill each other. But that was a long time ago..."
(Some authorities use four periods instead of three when the ellipsis is at the end or if more than a paragraph has been left out.)

Ellipsis at beginning: Clarisse said her uncle's grandfather "...remembered when children did not kill each other."

Mathematical: 3.14159...

Quotation from Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451, (New York: Ballantine, 1979) 32.

Today's fortune cookie

Helpful Clothing Item

As a public service announcement, I bring you news of Fart-Neutralizing Underwear.



You're welcome.

Today's English lesson

From EnglishPlus:

'Tis O'Malley 'n
D'Angelo,
wearin' L'eggs!



Apostrophes with Other Contractions

When writing about years, insert an apostrophe where numbers are dropped.

Examples: The winter of '65 the '96 Olympics

In a few words and some names, o', d', l', and t' indicate abbreviated forms of the or of in various languages.

Examples: o'clock L'Enfant Plaza P.J. O'Rourke

Sometimes to show pronunciation in dialogue, the word is contracted to show missing letters. Avoid this in formal writing except in quotations, even when the contraction is a more accurate representation.

Examples: C'mon for "come on"

L'il Abner for "Little Abner"

fo'c's'le or fo'csle for "forecastle"

gun'le for "gunwale"

Even though forecastle sounds like "folks'll," and gunwale rhymes with "funnel," these words should not be contracted except in dialogue.

Today's fortune cookie

American Idol winner in 2017

Saw this adorable vid over at Poppy Cedes and had to share it with you.

NASA to host squirrel derby and dinner

Yes, NASA.

Why, the North American Squirrel Association, of course.

And they're having their annual squirrel derby and dinner on January 27th at the Badger State Sportsman's Club on Mohawk Road north of Stoddard, Wisconsin.

You're welcome.

Oh, and yes, I found it interesting that one of the most leftist places in the US Midwest actually still allows people to [shudder] kill animals or carry [shudder] guns.

Moxie sez:

I was catching up on Moxie posts and caught this:

Perhaps instead of the vast right wing conspiracy, it should be called the vast right wing closet. It is both vast and deep. And we are all packing heat.

I want this on a t-shirt. hehe

I am now complete

Finally, someone's told me. I can now die in peace because I know how to solve a Rubik's Cube.

Phew... wouldn't look so good if I didn't come out 100% on this one...

You know the Bible 100%!

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

I saw this one over at my blogmom's place and thought I'd try my hand to see if I was at least as good as she was (she got 100% also). She mentioned that a few of the questions were impossible to get wrong if you were really trying, and that's true. I don't know that I'd consider myself a true Bible scholar, since the man in this house probably fits that description much more accurately. But anyway, it was fun to go through and see if I knew all of them. A couple of them were stretches for me, to be honest, but most of them were Duhs.

And just in case you weren't riled-up enough...

If you don't regularly read Kevin McGehee's blog over at Yippee-ki-yay!, you're not in the loop. He has put up a couple of incredibly salient posts just in the past couple of days that you MUST read.

What? You're still here? Git yer carcass over there, pronto!

Barack Obama's Church

The Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago is the church in which Barack Obama claims membership (although he's not an active parishioner) (whatever that means). I went to the 'net to check this place out and find out whether the claim that Obama is "an evangelical Christian" is accurate. Here's what I found:

We are a congregation which is Unashamedly Black and Unapologetically Christian... Our roots in the Black religious experience and tradition are deep, lasting and permanent. We are an African people, and remain "true to our native land," the mother continent, the cradle of civilization. God has superintended our pilgrimage through the days of slavery, the days of segregation, and the long night of racism. It is God who gives us the strength and courage to continuously address injustice as a people, and as a congregation. We constantly affirm our trust in God through cultural expression of a Black worship service and ministries which address the Black Community.

Okay...

Trinity United Church of Christ adopted the Black Value System written by the Manford Byrd Recognition Committee chaired by Vallmer Jordan in 1981.

Huh? Okay, with a little digging around, I find this "Black Value System" also on TUCC's web site:

THE BLACK VALUE SYSTEM

Statement of Purpose

We honor Dr. Manford Byrd, our brother in Christ, because of the exemplary manner in which he has thrice withstood the ravage of being denied his earned ascension to the number one position in the Chicago School System. His dedication to the pursuit of excellence despite these systemic denials has inspired the congregation of Trinity United Church of Christ. We have prayerfully called the wisdom of all past generations of suffering Blacks for guidance in fashioning an instrument of Black self-determination, the Black Value System.

And we shall, beginning in 1982, institute an annual Black Value System - Educational Scholarship in the name of Dr. Byrd.

This year, 1981, however, we recognize Dr. Byrd as the first recipient of the Dr. Manford Byrd Award which will be given annually to the man or woman who best exemplifies the Black Value System.

These Black Ethics must be taught and exampled in homes, churches, nurseries and schools, wherever Blacks are gathered. They must reflect the following concepts:

Commitment of God

“The God of our weary years” will give us the strength to give up prayerful passivism and become Black Christian Activist, soldiers for Black freedom and the dignity of all humankind.

Commitment to the Black Community

The highest level of achievement for any Black person must be a contribution of substance to the strength and continuity of the Black of the Black Community.

Commitment to the Black Family

The Black family circle must generate strength, stability, and love despite the uncertainty of externals, because these characteristics are required if the developing person is to withstand warping by our racist competitive society.

Those Blacks who are blessed with membership in a strong family unit must reach out and expand that blessing to the less fortunate, especially to the children.

Dedication to the Pursuit of Education

We must forswear anti-intellectualism. Continued survival demands that each Black Person be developed to the utmost of his/her mental potential despite the inadequacies of the formal education process. “Real education” fosters understanding of ourselves as well as every aspect of our environment. Also it develops within us the ability to fashion concepts and tools for better utilization of our resources, and more effective solutions to our problems. Since the majority of Blacks have been denied such learning, Black Education must include elements that provide high school graduates with marketable skills, a trade or qualifications for apprenticeships, or proper preparation for college.

Basic education for all Blacks should include Mathematics, Science, Logic, General Semantics, Participative Politics, Economics and Finance, and the Care and Nurture of Black minds.

To the extent that we individually reach for, even strain for excellence, we increase, geometrically, the value and resourcefulness of the Black Community. We must recognize the relativity of one’s best: this year’s best can be bettered next year. Such is the language of growth and development. We must seek to excel in every endeavor.

Adherence to the Black Work Ethic

“It is becoming harder to find qualified people to work in Chicago” Whether this is true or not, it represents one of the many reasons given by businesses and industries for deserting the Chicago area. We must realize that a location with good facilities, adequate transportation and reputation for producing skilled workers will attract industry. We are in competition with other cities, states, and nations for jobs. High productivity must be a goal of the Black workforce.

Commitment to Self-Discipline and Self-Respect

To accomplish anything worthwhile requires self-discipline. We must be a community of self-disciplined persons, if we are to actualize and utilize our own human resources instead of perpetually submitting to exploitation by others. Self discipline coupled with a respect for self, will enable each of us to be an instrument of Black Progress, and a model for Black Youth.

Disavowal of the Pursuit of “Middleclassness”

Classic methodology on control of captives teaches that captors must keep the captive ignorant educationally, but trained sufficiently well to serve the system. Also, the captors must be able to identify the “talented tenth” of those subjugated, especially those who show promise of providing the kind of leadership that might threaten the captor’s control.

Those so identified as separated from the rest of the people by:

Killing them off directly, and/or fostering a social system that encourages them to kill off one another.

Placing them in concentration camps, and/or structuring an economic environment that induces captive youth to fill the jails and prisons.

Seducing them into a socioeconomic class system which while training them to earn more dollars, hypnotizes them into believing they are better than others and teaches them to think in terms of “we” and “they” instead of “us”.

So, while it is permissible to chase “middle-incomeness” with all our might, we must avoid the third separation method-the psychological entrapment of Black “middleclassness”: If we avoid the snare, we will also diminish our “voluntary” contributions to methods A and B. And more importantly, Black people no longer will be deprived of their birthright, the leadership, resourcefulness, and example of their own talented persons.

--Pledge to Make the Fruits of All Developing and Acquired Skills Available to the Black community

--Pledge to Allocate Regularly, a Portion of Personal Resources for Strengthening and Supporting Black Institutions.

--Pledge Allegiance to all Black Leadership Who Espouse and Embrace The Black Value System.

--Personal Commitment to Embracement of the Black Value System - to Measure the Worth and Validity of All Activity in Terms of Positive Contributions to the General Welfare of the Black Community and the Advancement of Black People towards Freedom.

--------

The Pastor as well as the membership of Trinity United Church of Christ is committed to a 10-point Vision:

1. A congregation committed to ADORATION.
2. A congregation preaching SALVATION.
3. A congregation actively seeking RECONCILIATION.
4. A congregation with a non-negotiable COMMITMENT
TO AFRICA.
5. A congregation committed to BIBLICAL EDUCATION.
6. A congregation committed to CULTURAL EDUCATION.
7. A congregation committed to the HISTORICAL
EDUCATION OF AFRICAN PEOPLE IN DIASPORA.
8. A congregation committed to LIBERATION.
9. A congregation committed to RESTORATION.
10. A congregation working towards ECONOMIC PARITY

I find this stunningly racist. Why is it okay to follow a "Black Value System" but not a "White Value System?" I honestly don't see the difference.

As for the document itself, I don't know where to begin. I want to get this post published, however, because I don't know if there've been many other bloggers making people aware of this.

"African People in Diaspora?" "Commitment to Africa?" What, do they want to go back? And where would they go? Why are these people not now Americans? If they're committed to Africa and to the freedom of mankind, what have they been doing to help further the cause of anti-slavery movements in Africa? Are they actively working to free their Christian brothers and sisters enslaved by Muslims there?

"Economic Parity?" I'm not seeing much about that in the teachings of Jesus... or perhaps I'm just not enlightened? If so, enlighten me.

This really doesn't have much to do with Obama at all, except that he claims membership here -- and one would then make the intellectual leap that he agrees with the statement of faith. Perhaps he doesn't. Perhaps he only agrees with some parts of the statement of faith. Would he be willing to share with us those he does and doesn't agree with? I'd be curious.

The coolest fortune cookie EVAR!!1!

I got this in the mail yesterday evening from RedFish, who's a complete and total Knitwit and soooooo sweet. She couldn't have known how awful I had been feeling, but her delightful Knitted Fortune Cookie came at precisely the moment I needed it. Now I have a fortune cookie that will never be stale and never get broken.

The fortune inside?

"You will always have friends who love you."

Today's English lesson

From EnglishPlus:

Ever Wonder Why
English Has Contractions,
But No Expansions?
Me Neither.

Apostrophes with Verb Contractions

Apostrophes generally show missing letters in contractions.

In most formal writing such contractions should be avoided.

The most common contractions involve verbs in five situations.

1. Verbs with not contracted, or shortened.

Examples: aren't don't isn't wasn't can't weren't weren't wouldn't doesn't hasn't haven't couldn't

Note: The word won't is a contraction of will not--in older dialects will was often spelled with an o. The word shan't for shall not is seldom used in the United States. The word ain't is considered nonstandard.

2. Pronouns with will.

Examples: I'll you'll he'll she'll they'll

Note: In conversation the word will is often slurred and may show up in dialogue as 'll after most nouns, e.g., "John'll come home soon."

3. Pronouns and nouns with the verb to be.

Examples: I'm you're who's (i.e., who is) he's she's it's we're they're

Note: In conversation the word is is often contracted with nouns, e.g. "Martha's here."

Please note four confusing contractions:

who's it's you're they're

Remember, the apostrophe indicates that letters have been left out.

who's = who is or who has you're = you are it's = it is or it has they're = they are

The possessive of who is whose.

Correct: Who's coming with me? (Contraction)

Correct: Whose book is this? (Possessive)

4. Pronouns with the verb to have.

Examples: I've he's you've we've they've

(Note that the 's could stand for is or has.)

See below for the contractions with had.

Note: Sometimes the word have is slurred, especially after verbs like would, could, and should. In dialogue this can be shown as 've, but never as of.

Incorrect: We would of like to have gone.

Correct: We would've liked to have gone.
(To show contraction in speaking)

Correct: We would have liked to have gone.
(In more formal writing)

5. Pronouns with would or had contracted.

Examples: I'd he'd she'd you'd we'd they'd

I'd better go.
(I had better go.)

He'd want to go.
(He would want to go.)

In everyday conversation the word would is often slurred and may be shown as 'd following a noun in dialogue, e.g. "John'd be upset if he found out."

Today's fortune cookie

Drugs... I need some drugs...

I'm headed out the door to pick up a prescription which -- I fondly hope -- will make this confounded skull-splitting roar in my ears go away.

Today at school was one of the ones I'd rather forget. There are a few students who I'd like to put through a couple of weeks of 24/7 training... not unlike the "Potty-Training Boot Camp" I used to do for friends with intractable toddlers. These boys just have no concept of authority and respect, probably because no-one's ever required it from them and backed up the requirement with severe-enough consequences to make it stick.

There's only so much I can do as a humble English teacher. If I were a JROTC sergeant, I could do so much more for them. The worst-case troublemakers and the drifty-eyed Goths turned into amazing kids under the tutelage of Sergeants Jackson and Gettler at North High School in Des Moines. It's too bad they don't have that here; it'd do a world of good for some of these smart@$$ brats.

UPDATE: No can do, the pharmacy sez. I guess my doc's office didn't get the scrip called in yet. Tomorrow... tomorrow... tomorrow... tomorrow... tomorrow will be a better day. It has to be. Hey -- at least it seems like I might be making a teeny-weeny dent in making friends with the other adults at North Ruralville High School. No actual off-campus friendships (who knows if that will ever happen) but I do actually get some folks to speak to me now.

Today's English lesson

From EnglishPlus:


There's Always
An Exception



Apostrophes with Italicized or Underlined Items

Letters, numbers, symbols, and words used as themselves are italicized or underlined.

When these items are made plural, the plural is shown by adding apostrophe s to the underlined or italicized item. The apostrophe and s are not italicized or underlined.

Some authorities make acronyms or abbreviations plural by adding apostrophe s. Not all authorities recognize this rule.

Other authorities make a date that names itself plural by adding apostrophe s. Not all authorities recognize this rule.

These three instances are the only times in English when adding an apostrophe plus s makes something plural.

Since not all authorities recognize the last two instances, whether you choose to add an s or to add an apostrophe s, be consistent.

Examples: Don't forget to dot your i's.
(Letter as a letter)

His 7's look like 2's.
(Number as number)

His &'s look like 8's.
(Symbol as symbol)

I find the thee's and thou's in older writing hard to follow.
(Words as words)

Recognized by some authorities: He has IRA's in several different banks.
(Plural of acronym or abbreviation)

The 1930's were called the Red Decade.
(Plural of year naming itself)

Recognized more widely or traditionally: He has IRAs in several different banks.
(Plural of acronym or abbreviation)

The 1930s were called the Red Decade.
(Plural of year naming itself)

Today's fortune cookie

More fashion-blogging

I apologize in advance to those of you who are repulsed by my fashion-blogging. There's just so much out there right now to poke fun of... take, for example, Ashley Olsen at the Golden Globes.

Nice glasses, Ash. Oh, wait... those aren't glasses? They're her eyeliner? Eesh, why do these girls always look like death warmed-over? Somebody give her a sandwich and help her button her blouse, k? My twelve-year-old daughter might see this...

Anyhoo, back to Milan Men's Fashion Week. First up, an Armani offering.

Speaking of death warmed-over, everything in the Armani collection this time around (including the models) looked like something from Corpse Bride. Sorry, I'm just not going for the blue-lipped cadaver thing.

Calvin Klein's line was much more mainstream. And lest you think that mainstream = boring, forget it. Nice job, CK. Me likee.


Another CK; very handsome, very approachable.



And then there was Etro... the look is very old-school college-campus, but can I get a witness up in here for this yummy, yummy model? Woof!!




And then I just couldn't believe the Fendi line. These are MEN.

MEN, I tell you.

Hard to imagine, but I think it's probably true. It appeared to me as though Fendi was targeting the gender-ambiguity market. Most of the models carried at least one and sometimes two purses. This one had a couple of purses AND a high furry collar to de-emphasize the masculine chin shape. The wide comb-over finished me off.


Here, the guy actually looks like a guy and has on a rather fetching double-breasted suit, but then it was covered up by a SHAWL.

Ooh, spah-ka-lee!!! This poor schmuck had to emerge onto the runway wearing a sequined vest. Does the Manolo classify this as a jeweled sweater in the "holiday" tradition?



And then finally, a fairly decent-looking, manly man in the Fendi line... oh, and he's carrying TWO purses.



I couldn't resist including this one, from Marni. I saw these "medieval Shakespeare" leggings on several of Adrienne Westwood's models as well, and it just cracks me up. Leggings? Leggings? Oh come on, why not take it the whole way and give them the poofy-butt shorts so they can stand around with rapiers and "bite their thumbs" and all that sort of silliness?


So can't you see? It was just too easy. I just can't NOT make fun of some of these ridiculous getups.